I love comedy. I love laughing at things that make other people uncomfortable and I love battling serious topics with a chuckle. That being said, I understand that there is a time and place for everything. If you walk into a standup show, you can expect to laugh at shocking things. When you log into a Facebook group filled with mostly girls searching for a craft idea, you don’t really expect crude humor.
So when one guy decided to troll a popular Facebook page to
stir up trouble and piss a whole bunch of people off find someone to connect and “chill” with, people got pretty annoyed. This particular Facebook page, The Cooler Connection, was created in order to provide a safe place for women to bounce creative ideas off of each other. Unfortunately, because of its tremendous number of members (it’s currently at 68,700 and growing), it’s almost impossible for the topics to stay neutral, nice, and above all, empowering.
Still, it’s not too often that things get totally, completely, 100 percent out of control.
And then, last night happened. When a guy posted his comment about finding a girl to “chill with” some of the members got mad. This isn’t a place for annoying pickup lines, so people weren’t really having it. But it wasn’t until another male member joked about rape, however, that the group really blew up in outrage.
One of the more vocal female members responded, defending the entire community.
Still, with tempers high and defenses up, the girl who spoke up apparently got pretty bombarded with hate. This morning she posted another comment on the topic, sparking a debate not only about the original roofie “joke,” but rape culture in general.
And that’s just the tip of the comment iceberg. Victims of rape are saying that this whole ordeal has triggered upsetting feelings for them. Girls are begging me to post the names of the boys who made these comments. Some people are saying that it was all in good fun, while other people are saying that it’s rude, insensitive, and borderline dangerous.
So which is it? Who’s wrong?
Is it the boys who made light of rape, or is it the girls who are cussing the boys out? Is this wrong because it was in a Facebook group that is geared towards women instead of at a poker night filled with guys? Is this because we’re not “equal?” Will slandering the boys and running to their moms help? What can we do? And what, exactly, is the problem?
One of the active commenters on the thread contacted me, and gave me a personal quote. As a survivor of trauma, this was a very unsettling experience for her. But despite her history, she still feels like this isn’t a matter of girls vs. boys or equality vs. inequality.
When you spend years and years of your life being told you were in the wrong so you were drugged and raped you see a different view point then most victims. I will always support any woman who wants to make a change and if they need help, I’m here. However, I will never be okay with the work putting men down because of one thing one immature male said. When you’re empowering women, stop putting men down too. Too much lately we’re seeing that it’s okay for women to hit men or for women to cuss out men. That is not okay.
Let’s stop treating all genders with such negativity. Let’s empower all instead of focusing on just empowering one or the other. I hope this never has to happen to anyone ever but unfortunately, life isn’t that easy. Luckily karma is on our side. Just remember ladies, cyber-bullying does not make you a better person and it’s not empowering.
I think there are a few things we can all take away from this. Know what equality is. It’s not trying to be better than men. It’s not trying to push them down and slander them and tear them apart on our rise to the top. It’s about viewing them as equals, and them doing the same for us. It’s about looking at each person as an individual, not as someone who is “better” or “worse” than us, based off of their gender. Second, know your time and place. Comedy is all about timing. More importantly, it’s about having good timing and delivering a proper punchline to a receiving audience.
Finally, if you’re going to be a complete boner and make rape jokes, don’t fucking do it on Facebook where everyone can see it. You’re lucky I blurred your names out. Other people, however, might not be so kind. What it all comes down to is be nice. Know your environment. Don’t judge all men based off of a few idiots’ choices, but don’t just accept when someone throws unfunny, unoriginal, literal shit at you. Underneath the jokes and the sass and the sarcastic comments, strive to be a good person. Not just in front of an audience, but in the quiet corners of your own mind. Respect that other people have been through actual hell in their lives, and try your best to make them feel better, as opposed to worse. I’m not saying don’t make jokes and always walk on eggshells – if that was the case, I wouldn’t have a job. Just do your best to avoid crossing lines that are hard to get back over. Rape jokes aren’t funny. Rape jokes in a Facebook group dedicated to bringing women together to make crafts FOR MEN is even less funny.
Out of all of the comments, however, one girl was brave enough to say what everyone was thinking.
So blackball the bad ones, and move on. There will always be annoying boys in our lives. Thankfully, for every lame guy there will always be strong, confident, boss-ass bitches around to make sure that they never get the last word in. Now let’s get back to crafting, equalizing, and kicking-ass and agree that these losers never get another cooler again. Deal?.
[via The Cooler Connection]
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