Is This The Best Or Worst Thing To Happen To Beer Pong?


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Is This The Best Or Worst Thing To Happen To Beer Pong?

Beer pong is disgusting for a number of reasons.

1. Beer.
2. I’m bad at it, so I’m placing the blame on the game instead of myself.
3. Gross, hairy beer pong balls.

The simple solution is to play water pong, but water pong is for bitches, and you’re not a bitch, are you? I didn’t think so. No one’s going to be held personally accountable for taking a sip every time someone hits her cup. It completely ruins the game as a part of Operation: Get Fucked Up. Everyone knows that. So, you’ll just continue ingesting frat sludge from the floor, and find a blonde hair in your cup even though you’re brunette.


These dudes want to change the beer pong game forever with their nifty little invention, slip cup, for which they’ve created a Kickstarter. Behold.

It’s nice in theory and all, but I see a few problems, first and foremost, the synchronized sendoff at the end. Not cool. Secondly, isn’t part of the fun — part of the drama, really — of the game that the ball may bounce out of the cup. Are we to live in a world where no fingering and no blow jobs is at the discretion of the cup and not the house? I’m not sure I can live in that world.

But most importantly, the biggest thing these brothers are overlooking is that YOU ARE SUCH A GOOBER IF YOU’RE THE GUY WHO SUGGESTS YOU USE A FUCKING CUP CONDOM. It’s smart in theory, it really is. But what makes you a man if not for your inability to be affected by basic things like temperature and germs? It’s a double standard. You get more money, sex with whomever you please without judgment, and control of the remote — we get basic human hygiene. Simple as that, ya clowns.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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