It’s National Men Make Dinner Day!

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Nice Move

Are you tired of cooking? Bored of being subjected to the same going-out choices of Chipotle and anything slathered in barbecue sauce? Well luckily for you, today is National Men Make Dinner Day! I know what some of you are thinking. This sounds like a dangerous evening of hot dogs, beer, and a kitchen that will be burned to the ground. Thankfully, menmakedinnerday.com, the website sponsoring this wonderful day has provided a fool-proof guide that even your man can (hopefully) follow to make this a wonderful experience — or at least one that isn’t completely terrible. If only they could prevent you from getting food poisoning, but let’s give your guys a chance before we jump to conclusions about how this may or may not turn out.

Did I mention there are rules for this meal? The bases are covered so well that even the ladies of exec would be proud. Some of my personal favorites include:

Rule #4: Main meal must include minimum of 4 ingredients and require at least one cooking utensil other than a fork
Oh thank god. Hot dogs are out.

Rule #6: Man organizes all necessary ingredients in order of importance on kitchen counter. At this point, he may need to make a phone call or shout out the word ‘honey’! Followed by a question. This is not allowed.
Because the point of this exercise would be ruined if you essentially ended up cooking yourself, or even worse, he called his mommy. Nope, your man is on his own here.

Rule #7: Man may, if desired, turn on radio or his favourite CD. Man agrees not to be within 30 feet of TV remote during cooking process.
Yes, you can relax on the couch with a glass of wine while Netflixing old episodes of Gossip Girl. No sports cheers will be had. This night is all about you.

Rule #10: Man sets table, candles are lit, beverages are poured, no ketchup bottles, sour cream containers, or big boxes of salt on table.
Add also to that list: mustard, mayonnaise, and Natty Light. Trust me, you don’t want to know what would happen otherwise.

Now that we have some ground rules, it’s time for your man to make his dinner selection. Because he’s probably too proud to log onto your Pinterest board and look for recipes, the website has provided a list of options for his convenience. This is probably a good thing for you, considering you’ve kept your wedding board secret. He doesn’t need to know about that…yet. But without Pinterest, how will he know which recipes are acceptable? Just to provide a little clarification, men are also provided with a specific list of “No-Nos” for foods that are not allowed, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • Chewing gum
  • Cotton candy
  • Take-out pizza
  • Leftovers from last night
  • Sandwiches from office vending machine
  • Neighbors’ leftovers from last night
  • Anything barbecued

Once an appropriate recipe has been chosen, it’s time for him to start preparing the meal. However, cooking can be complicated and your man may not understand some of the terms in the recipe he selected. What happens then? Thankfully, a glossary has been provided for his convenience with some key phrases:

  • BAND-AID: a useful item, often goes hand-in-hand with shredding
  • BEAT: a repeated overhand motion used to combine ingredients. May be done with a spoon or an electric mixer. A screwdriver, no matter how clean, should not be used to combine recipe ingredients
  • BLACK: to fry something until it turns black. At this point, smoke detector usually goes off
  • CHOP: to cut food into pieces. A knife is most often used, rather than a karate movement
  • DRAIN: to let liquid run through the holes in a strainer. If no strainer available, resist urge to use a fishing net
  • FIRE EXTINGUISHER: extremely important, should be positioned no further than 3 feet from the “chef” at all times
  • RECTANGULAR PAN: pan shaped like a rectangle

Your guy now has everything he needs to begin preparing the meal of your dreams. He may grumble at first, but really, this is just excellent training for his future. He’ll know that he can cook something other than spaghetti, and he’ll also know that he’ll definitely get rewarded for it later. Positive reinforcement goes a long way, ladies. Even if it turns out to be a complete disaster, just smile and compliment him anyway. Faking it can also apply here, and he’ll be encouraged to give it another try in the future and hopefully improve his efforts. Good luck gentlemen, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

[via Men Make Dinner Day]

Image via Woman’s Insite

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com

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