It’s Okay If You’re Not Close With Your Big


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Close with your big

One of the most sought after milestones in every sorority girl’s life is receiving her big. After much anticipation, reveal has arrived and each girl is matched with her ideal big sister. It’s supposed to be a match made in heaven. Like big, like little. A perfect balance between love and respect. The little can go to the big with anything and the big will be there with all the right answers. But when the glitter settles and the gifts have been exchanged, not every relationship remains picture perfect. Like me and my big, who just aren’t that close, and it’s not the end of the world.

Sometimes it’s hard. You feel surrounded by perfect big-little duos. They talk every day, wear coordinating party outfits, know each and everything about the other, and take those perfect candid pics together. They do everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing with your big, but it just doesn’t happen for you. And it’s not that you hate your big, you just never clicked. There are so many different types of girls and you can force two to be great friends. Sure, you get lunch every once in awhile, but you just make small talk. It can be awkward and it’s just not what you had imagined.

Don’t panic. I try to avoid clichés as much as possible, but I promise everything happens for a reason. Instead of dwelling on the perfect big-little relationship you’ll probably never have, here’s what you do. You need to find an older girl to confide in. For the lucky ones, that’s their big. For you, put yourself out there and find someone else you click with. One of the biggest perks to being in a sorority is the advice you’ll get from older girls. They’ve been through similar situations that you’ll be going through soon enough and will help you through them. Take advantage of that.

For me, I had a few older girls that I would ask questions and advice. What should I wear to formal? Who should be my date? Is it okay to hook up with that sister’s ex-fling? Is this appropriate chapter-wear? What exactly does he mean by “study date”? These girls had the experience to give me the answers and even though they weren’t my big, they filled the shoes for me.

When it was my turn to get a little (or in my case littles), I knew how to go about the relationship. I didn’t force affection or beg for their attention. I let them come to me for advice and sure enough they did. I was also sure to be there for the younger girls who I could see would lack the relationship with their big that I did. There was a time during my four years where I felt like I had five littles. Knowing what they were going through from my own experience, I was more than happy to help them out. It seemed every weekend that went by, I would find one knocking on my door looking for a heart-to-heart. I wouldn’t have traded those for anything in the world.

So don’t freak out if your pledge sister just can’t shut up about how amazing her big is. There’s nothing stopping you from being that obsessed about someone else. There’s a sister out there that would love to hear and help you out. Go find her.

Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was. Send inquires about her sanity to:

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