Lady Writes Aggressively Pissed Off Hotel Review Because She Foolishly Booked A Trip Over Spring Break


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Nice Move

Spring Break

Every year, it seems like spring breakers wreak havoc and some poor fool who didn’t spring for the nicer hotel gets stuck dealing with the mess the crazy kids leave behind. It’s pretty normal for people to be pissed, I suppose, but it simply delights me when they take their concerns to the internet to bitch about their own poor life choices. One couple stayed at the Mayfair Hotel & Spa in Miami, Florida and left a review letting everyone know that they were PISSED.

This was the single worst hotel experience that I have had. I travel very extensively and regularly seek specialty and boutique properties. The Mayfair was a mistake in every way. Upon arrival, we were overwhelmed by extremely loud rap music emanating from seemingly every area in the hotel. I shrugged it off as a busy party day in Coconut Grove. Little did I know that this rooftop pool party would drag on and on until nearly 4am!!!

Heavens to Betsy! Rap music, and partying until 4am!

[We] decided to go check out the much-touted rooftop pool and bar. We did not make it past the partially clad and passed out teenager blocking the entrance to the pool. He was literally drooling on the floor and his friend was on her cell phone trying to get help. They both looked about 15-18 years of age. There was no staff visible so we mentioned the teenagers need for assistance to the front desk clerk on our way out. Obviously, we gave up on the pool and headed down in the elevator where another partygoer joined us. He said “that kid was sooooo wasted, haha.” This man appeared pretty messed up himself and was lacking appropriate clothing and did not have shoes on (we later saw him in a nearby park frequented by homeless individuals). We gave up on the hotel and went out for dinner at Cocowalk. We came back a few hours later (about 9 pm) to the music still blaring and even more intoxicated and soaking wet teens all over the hotel in various levels of undress.

To be fair, everyone is partially clad and shoeless at the pool. It’s a pool. You’re there to swim, which you generally do in a swimsuit. Also, get a load of these kids who convinced their parents to let them go away unsupervised. When I was 15, I couldn’t even finish a beer, and my curfew was 11 p.m., but then again, I wasn’t very cool in high school.

The visit culminated in a 3:48 am call to the front desk because the “party” going on in the room upstairs began to sound dangerous (furniture being thrown, etc.). I must confess that I travel with ear plugs just in case. Despite wearing air-traffic-control-grade earplugs, the noise and pounding was so loud that the walls and sliding glass doors shook. The solitary security guard came in to our room to try “figure out where it was coming from” and informed us that he can’t do anything about it because he is the only one here and management does not care!!! Needless to say, we did not get one moment of sleep which made for a tough day for our eight hour event the following day.

Listen, I’m not generally one to file complaints about anything, but if you’re trying to tell me that AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL GRADE earplugs could not mask the sound of a few teenagers making out several floors above you, then you have bigger problems than the concierge. You need to call the earplug company. Those are supposed to stifle the sounds of AIRPLANES. They could have a serious lawsuit on their hands.

As I said in my title, this reminded me of a fraternity /flop house. I love to have a good time and love parties, but this was complete insanity and riddled with underage drinking and drug use. Please do not waste your time and money at this hotel.

Or just don’t waste your time and money at this hotel during spring break.

[via Trip Advisor]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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