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Let’s Make Booty Calls Cool Again

Let's Make Booty Calls Cool Again

The term “booty call” is always painted in a negative light. Yet, we constantly find ourselves in these situations where we are trashed, horny, and in desperate need of attention. By 2 a.m. you are holding a wrapped condom in one hand and your phone in the other scrolling through to see who has a decent penis to fill the rubber. What’s so wrong with this picture? Why do people think it is soooo bad to have sexual desires? And what’s the big deal with responding to a guy who goes through the same temptation?

Everyone comes to college for one reason: to get laid. Even if you lack experience, one day you are going to wake up in bed with a dude who reeks of whiskey and cigar smoke, and feel a sense of accomplishment. You had a one-night stand and it was fucking phenomenal. There’s no turning back. Once you have that sexual awakening, you’ll notice that your phonebook suddenly seems to fill up with PNB’s (Potential New Boners). What are you supposed to do with all of those PNB’s? Date them? Haha no. You fuck them. Duh.

It doesn’t make you a slut for dialing their number after taking too many lemon drop shots. I mean, they had to have known what they were getting into when you two swapped numbers. Unless there is some mass ~*chemistry*~ between the two of you, don’t worry about what he thinks of you. It’s not like you want to be soulmates with him. You just want his dick. He can go cry to mama if that hurts his feelings or whatever.

And why are people so ashamed of giving in to a booty call? Just grab a shack shirt and leave his place once you wake up. (And for the love of God, do not stick around and try to turn it into a date. It’ll just upset the ecosystem.) If you feel that guilty about hooking up with Mr. Sex Text, grab a taco on the way home to make up for it. By the end of the day you will realize:

1. You have a (maybe) funny story to tell
2. You got a shirt out of it
3. And a taco
4. Your vagina was pleased, and that’s all that really matters.

This brings me to my next point; if you are the one responding to his “You up?” text, don’t settle for just giving him a beej. Make sure there’s there some sexual intercourse. His shaft and balls are raging with testosterone, and your vagina is responding to the text for a reason. Spoiler alert, it’s not to talk about how your day went. You’re young and want to have sex. Lots of it. Don’t leave until you got what you came for.

Steve Jobs did us all a favor when he invented the iPhone. It’s more than just a device to call to make dentist appointments. It’s a majestic handheld gadget that allows the lazy to pick and choose who they want to bang, and it opens up doors for the other person to feed into that horny sensation in their pants as well. Just know it’s okay to dial a PNB’s number next time you’re tempted. In fact, props to you for having the lady balls to follow through with a booty call. You’re fulfilling your naughty college girl needs, and that’s fucking awesome. Let loose. Have fun. Press send.

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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