Mailbag: My Big Is A Sociopath


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Dear Srat Bro,

I met my future big during recruitment and we got along decently well. She was a little obnoxious and kinda braggy about her future aspirations, but she seemed otherwise nice enough, and when it came time to fill out preference sheets for big/little week I put her fifth or sixth to finish out the list. She definitely wasn’t my first choice, but I thought that I could deal with being her little if I didn’t get anyone else on my list.

Fast forward a week, and I find out that this girl is, indeed, my big. I also find out that this girl is crazy. I don’t mean like “OMG that gurl is sooo fun and CrAzY” crazy. I mean “she got kicked out of her dorm last year for pretending another girl tried to kill her” crazy. I got questioned as a witness of her cyberstalking another girl using fake online profiles. When she found out that I got questioned, she claimed she was the victim. I found out later that the Exec Board of my sorority knows about the whole situation, but somehow nothing has been done.

Now, she’s never given me a reason to think that she would exhibit this kind of behavior towards me. Even so, this girl is not the kind of person that I want to spend all of my time with and bare my secrets to. TBH, she kinda freaks me out. However, I also don’t want to be a horrible little who scorns all of her attempts to hang out with me. I have absolutely no idea how to walk the line in my relationship with my big, and any advice would be really really appreciated!

A Srat Girl In Distress

Dear Distressed Srat Girl,

Holy shit. I am so sorry for you. Not all bigs and littles get along. It’s totally natural. But this is beyond friendship. It sounds like she could do some serious damage to your psyche or even your reputation. The fact that the cyberbullying hasn’t been taking care of by your council is a serious fault. That’s definitely illegal. What does this girl have to do to get punished? It almost seems she has some serious deficit in her self-esteem and is trying to get attention in any way that she can.

As far as being her little, that is extremely unfortunate. Your best bet is to be cordial with her. Don’t go out of your way to be nice, because you don’t want to give her the wrong idea, but she sounds like a loose cannon. When you actually do hang out, establish an end time so you don’t have to spend more time with her than you need. Have an excuse ready to leave nonchalantly. As much as you probably don’t want to be seen with her in public, that might actually be safer. That’s if it gets really bad. This is probably not advice you have never heard before.

If that doesn’t work, or she starts to attack you, you have every right to distance yourself. Depending on how she deals with confrontation, you may want to tell her why you have decided not to talk to her anymore so she doesn’t turn it around on you. Does the rest of the chapter know that she is a sociopath? If that’s the case, I doubt anyone else would blame you for not hanging out with her. I know bigs and littles in my chapter that won’t even look at each other in the face. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship with another older sister and eventually with your little.

Good luck and sleep with one eye open.

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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