News

Martha Stewart Tells Gwyneth Paltrow To Fuck Off In Her Latest Magazine Issue

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 11.03.21 AM

I don’t like Gwyneth (Goopy) Paltrow, and as it turns out, neither does Martha Stewart. Ahh, sing to me, Jesus. Today’s going to be a good day after all.

Ever since Paltrow started her lifestyle “empire,” Goop, she’s becoming more and more unbearable by the second. At this point, she’s basically abandoned movies and has set her sights on improving the world via one flaxseed at a time. She doesn’t eat gluten, she doesn’t eat dairy, and she’s proven time and time again that she doesn’t eat her own words, either. Her pretentiousness knows no bounds, and she obviously has no idea just how out of touch with reality she really is. Her life is now dedicated to over-the-top recipes, absurdly expensive Christmas gift guides, and celebrating things like World Water Day.

Loading

full of healing power. #iLoveWater #WorldWaterday @drop4drop

View on Instagram

Basically, she’s a Martha Stewart wannabe–without any of the Martha Stewart likability, ambition, talent, or street cred. If we’re being honest, she’s more of a poor man’s Blake Lively. And that’s sad.

The good news, however, is that despite Goopy’s many plays for Martha’s job, the Queen of Homemaking is standing firm in her position as the country’s resident crafter. She’s made jabs at Paltrow’s ridiculousness in the past:

She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.

And now she’s just full-on trolling:
Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 10.47.18 AM

This not-so-subtle “go fuck yourself, Gwynn” is obviously in reference to the huge ordeal Paltrow made about her “conscious un-coupling” (AKA a fucking divorce) this past year. Martha in for the kill. Prison obviously taught her well.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Instagram

Email this to a friend

Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

3 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More