New Photoshop App Is The Greatest Invention Of All Time

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Nice Move

The greatest app to ever exist, of all time, ever, has made its way onto this Earth and into my phone. It’s called Facetune, and Instagram ain’t got nothin’ on it. ‘Gramming a pic can make you tan, but can it actually make you look skinnier? Can it reduce red-eye (and the white flash in the middle of red eye)? Can it whiten your teeth. can it remove blemishes? Can it highlight your eyes? Can it eliminate dark circles, and smooth out bags from under your eyes?

Facetune can.

It’s essentially a photoshop app allowing you to enhance your own photos, as if professionally, at the tip of your finger.

Using the “reshape” feature, you are able to physically stretch and move your body around so that you have the perfect figure.

Before:After Body

Literally, make your waist smaller, your boobs bigger, your skinny arm skinnier, and your butt smoother. It’s not just for celebrities any more.

The “detail” feature can highlight your eyes, and the “smooth” feature eliminates bags under your eyes, while the “patch” feature covers up blemishes. It’s not just simple blurring to disguise flawed photos. It physically alters them, and it’s genius.

Screen Shot 2013-10-28 at 4.14.43 PM

All this complete with a masochistic “before and after” button, for depressive purposes. Facetune currently costs $2.99 in the App store, but I’m sure I’ve made more frivolous purchases in my day. While it will make it more difficult to say your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend isn’t that pretty, this will revolutionize our ability to make our online selves seem cooler, more glamorous, more fun, and more beautiful than we really are, which is a fair trade-off in my book. And sorry fellas, “Internet hot” is about to take on a whole new meaning.

Some people might call this “cheating.” I say, “Fuck ’em.” What’s the harm in taking a picture from “Please delete this from the face of the Earth” to “I’m not embarrassed that this photo of me exists”? The key, ladies, is to make your photoshopping believable, and cheating or not, people can’t say boo. You don’t want to look so airbrushed that people know you’ve altered your photos. You want to appear as though the only help you needed to become the vision of beauty everyone sees before them is God and Sephora, not technology. Photoshop away, my average-looking friends. To a more beautiful tomorrow!

[via Business Insider]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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