Oral Roberts University Is Tracking Students’ Every Move As Part Of Its Curriculum


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Oral Roberts

Oral Roberts University (lol, Oral) sounds like my own personal hell, because students’ fitness is part of the curriculum. Just like high school, but worse. The school has recently mandated that each freshman buy a fitbit so that the university can track how much activity they’re getting, and they’ll be graded on it at the end of the year.

Students are required to walk at least 10,000 steps per day, and to compare, I don’t think I moved on Saturday at all. In the past, students were required to manually log their fitness hours, but now there is no escape.

“ORU offers one of the most unique educational approaches in the world by focusing on the Whole Person — mind, body and spirit,” ORU President William M. Wilson said in a statement. “The marriage of new technology with our physical fitness requirements is something that sets ORU apart.”

So I guess going to the gym and taking a Snapchat doesn’t count as working out anymore? It’s all a little too “big brother” for me. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t what some might call a “real” athlete in high school (#danceteamforlife), but gym class made me actually want to die. Having a forced fitness regimen as an adult is just bananas.

What’s the point of living if you can’t cheat a little? I’ve come up with some alternatives.

• Attach your fitbit to your dog’s collar and set him loose on some squirrels.
• Get a job at a daycare. Convince the children that getting to wear your fitbit for the day is a special privilege, that each of them will fight over. Allow the most active children to wear the fitbit during free play.
• Pay that friend who’s training for a marathon to wear it for you when she runs.
• Purchase a robot that moves like a human. Insert a pacemaker into it to act like a heartbeat. Enjoy.
• More sex? All the sex?
• Pretend to be in a coma.
• Transfer.

Or perhaps you could follow the rules. At the very least, you’ll end up skinny. Perks.

[via NBC]

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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