PNMs, Please Stop Following Me on Insta


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Nice Move


I love to toot my own horn, so here it goes. I have a fucking balling Instagram page. It’s because I got to college, joined a kick ass chapter and stopped posting pics of me and groups of friends standing in front of restaurants. Instead, I decided to download some decent editing apps, actually utilize the house I pay an assload for, and only post that I genuinely like of people having a genuinely good time. Every picture is a perfectly shot picture of people doing things, having fun, enjoying life.

I know it’s amazing. I’ve curated it just so, and at this point, I don’t even need the validation of likes (lies). So, PNMs, hop off my follow button. I know you’re reading this. And you are not slick. I’m not about to accept any random follower request.

If you’re a moderately attractive girl who was involved in things in high school or had a clear cut group of bestie, then yes, I know you are rushing. Yes, I know you are planning on attending my university. How can I tell? I don’t know, maybe it was the four pictures from orientation or the fact that you have “name of school 2020” in your Instagram bio.

You’re stalking your way through Instagram, trying to figure out what chapters are the best, who you should rush, how to rank. Believe me, I did it. I went hard trying to figure out what houses I wanted and what sorority was the best fit for me.

And as it turned out, I was totally wrong. The three to four weeks I put in research wise had exactly zero payoff, because the chapters are completely different in person than they are on paper. I went into one house knowing it was for me, and I left… kind of bored. Maybe it would have been the one if I hadn’t be expecting anything, but I was.

Also, we stalk you. Even if you don’t try to follow me, I know you exist. If you accidentally liked the pic of one of my sisters, or hit a follow on a guy I know – I’m already going to stalk you relentlessly via social media as soon I receive your name. Don’t give me early warning about your existence, because the longer I have, the more potentially harmful things I could dig up. My sorority was only given a week notice of the names of girls rushing and they still managed to find a video of me rapping an original song that I had made in the ninth grade. I swore all traces of that video were removed, but sisterhood can dig up anything.

I wish I could let you follow me – seriously, what is better PR for my chapter than letting you know that I genuinely like my sisters and love my sorority? But even if it wasn’t considered a dirty rush tactic, I still wouldn’t want you to follow me.

I wish I could let you follow me- seriously, ever time I hit reject, my heart breaks because I know that is one like I will never be getting. So please, stop trying to follow me. It’s like when I have a headache – I’m gonna say no every single.

Everything you want in a sister, sorority or biological - funny, hardworking, pretty but not in an super obvious way. Essentially, a funnier Elle Woods who is constantly having a bad hair day. Questions, concerns, videos of dogs and coupons for Thai food can be sent to

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