Shallowly Ranking “The Bachelor” Contestants Based Solely On Their Instagram Accounts


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Nice Move

The Bachelor

I must admit, I don’t know much about The Bachelor. I’ve actually had two members of my chapter compete on the show (random, right?), but even then, I just didn’t care. I’ll watch an episode here and there, but I never got rabidly hooked like a lot of my friends. But I have to say, there is something about Ben Higgins that intrigues me. He’s totally my type, looks wise, and he just seems really sweet. And yes, I know that it’s entirely possible that that’s an act for the camera, but I’ve fallen for it. Therefore, I’ve taken an interest in the competition for his heart, which starts on January 4.

Perusing the contestant bios on the official “Bachelor” page, you don’t really learn to much about the ladies, aside from that they are a little fuzzy on what an occupation is (being a twin isn’t a job, Emily and Haley) and that they have some weird guilty pleasures (chickens, Tiara? (AND YOUR NAME IS TIARA?)). So I decided to delve a little deeper – AKA, stalk these ladies on social media. Taking their Instagram personas into account, here is how I think they rank in terms of the probability of them winning Ben’s love.

  1. Lace
    Instagram: No Instagram (and a realllllllllllly old Twitter)
    Rationale: Do you even go here?
  2. Lauren aka “LB”
    Instagram: @_lbarr_

    A photo posted by LB – Lauren Barr (@_lbarr_) on

    Rationale: She’s got multiple recent pictures with golfer Rickie Fowler (who split with his girlfriend a few months ago) on her account, so I think it’s safe to say her and Ben aren’t meant to be.

  3. Lauren R.
    Instagram: @ll_a_u_r_e_n

    Rationale: Her account was private until a few day ago, but considering all of the pictures with other guys, rumors are already circulating that Lauren R. gets the boot the first night. Which makes sense, because keeping three Laurens around is way too confusing.

  4. Tiara
    Instagram: @mizz_minxy

    A photo posted by Tiara 🐣🐥 (@mizz_minxy) on

    Rationale: So many chickens. They aren’t even cute. Pass.

  5. Breanne
    Instagram: No Instagram (or Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, nada).
    Rationale: I respect your right to live off the grid, Breanne, but it’s seriously pissing me off.
  6. Rachel
    Instagram: @racheltchen (Private)
    Rationale: If she plays has hard to get in real life as she does on social media, she’s screwed. Not literally, of course (wink wink).
  7. Shushanna
    Instagram: @shushanna_mk (Private)
    Rationale: Nothing on Twitter or Insta, but she uses some site called (which looks like Russian facebook)? Pics are cute, but can’t gather much else about her.
  8. Maegan
    Instagram: No Instagram.

    Rationale: There’s just not enough evidence to make a judgement.

  9. Amber
    Instagram: @amberj22chi

    A photo posted by @amberj22chi on

    Rationale: One of her instas is a pic of the Hollywood Walk of Fame with her name super-imposed on it and the caption “next stop on my to-do list.” Clearly not here for the right reasons.

  10. Becca
    Instagram: @beccatilley5

    A photo posted by beccatilley5 (@beccatilley5) on

    Rationale: It’s tough to tell if she actually has a personality since most of her pictures are modeling shots.

  11. Amanda
    Instagram: @amanda_stantonn

    A photo posted by @amanda_stantonn on

    Rationale: 90 percent of her pics are her with her two little girls, which is awesome. But I’m not sure if Ben is prepared for a ready-made family.

  12. Jackie
    Instagram: @jackiedion

    A photo posted by Jackie Dion (@jackiedion) on

    Rationale: She’s hard to get a read on but considering the amount of inspiration posts, it’s not looking promising.

  13. Joelle aka “JoJo”
    Instagram: @joelle_fletcher

    Rationale: So. many. inspirational. quotes.

  14. Lauren B.
    Instagram: @lauren_bushnell

    Rationale: Only 60-something posts and way too many quotes. Seriously, stop it ladies.

  15. Haley
    Instagram: @hfergie11

    A photo posted by Haley Ferguson (@hfergie11) on

    Rationale: As irritating as her sister, but not as many dog pics. Thumbs down.

  16. Emily
    Instagram: @efergie13

    A photo posted by Emily Ferguson (@efergie13) on

    Rationale: She annoys me for some reason but there’s lots of puppy pics, so she’s slightly redeemed.

  17. Jennifer
    Instagram: @jensav11

    A photo posted by Jen Saviano (@jensav11) on

    Rationale: From the looks of the pics that she makes public, Jen leads a pretty charmed life already. So the bitchy part of me obvi wants her to get eliminated immediately.

  18. Mandi
    Instagram: No Instagram (but here’s her audition tape).

    Rationale: You’ve got a doctorate and you’re on The Bachelor. Aren’t you a contradictory little enigma. But damn, the girl is funny.
  19. 10. Isabel aka “Izzy”
    Instagram: @igoodkind_

    A photo posted by izzy goodkind (@igoodkind_) on

    Rationale: She looks so normal! She’s going to get eaten alive.

  20. Lauren H.
    Instagram: @keepbylauren

    Rationale: More of a business account than a personal one, so it’s hard to make a judgement, but she does design veryyyyyyyyyy cute jewelry.

  21. Olivia
    Instagram: @oliviacaridi

    Rationale: Only 20-something posts, but something about her ‘gram screams smart to me.

  22. Samantha
    Instagram: @sampass (Private)

    Take me back to Mexico!

    Posted by Samantha Passmore on Monday, September 1, 2014

    Rationale: She’s cute, and she’s an attorney, which means she’ll probably win most of the arguments in the house, right?

  23. Jubilee
    Instagram: @jubilee1991

    A photo posted by Jubilee (@jubilee1991) on

    Rationale: Anyone that puts on that uniform (with those lashes) gets respect from me. Plus, the girl-on-girl warfare that will ensue will be nothing for her.

  24. Caila
    Instagram: @cailaquinn

    A photo posted by Caila Quinn (@cailaquinn) on

    Rationale: Her insta is a fine mix of artsy snaps, friends, travel, and food. I’m liking her.

  25. Jami
    Instagram: @jrletain

    A photo posted by Jami Rose (@jrletain) on

    Rationale: The majority of her pictures are her eating: pizza, cupcakes, ice cream, Cheetos. You’re my kind of lady, Jami.

  26. Laura
    Instagram: @lesselman

    A photo posted by Laura Esselman (@lesselman) on

    Rationale: Out of over 100 pics, there were only two of her alone. Family, friends, places, food. I like someone who lives life without the camera pointed at themselves.

  27. Leah
    Instagram: @leahblock

    A photo posted by Leah Block (@leahblock) on

    Rationale: This is more of a hopeful one because her brother IS HOT. I’m hoping she makes it to the hometown dates so I can see more of him. Don’t you judge me.

  28. Jessica
    Instagram: @jessicamoser

    A photo posted by @jessicamoser on

    Rationale: Proud sorority girl? Done.

Image via Shutterstock

There really did used to be 2NOTBrokeGirls, but since one of them spent all of her money on shoes and vodka, there's now just one (financially stable) J, who is too lazy to change her user name. J spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to go to graduate school, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @2NOTBrokeGirls on Twitter or

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