Smith College Student Lobbies To Start A “Straight Only” Sorority

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Smith College is an all-girls school in Massachusetts. If you’re thinking that this leads to a lot of girl-on-girl action, well, then you’re right. A lot of girls at Smith are known to be lesbians. In fact, I know a girl who went there. She was one of those girls who always had boyfriends, and I was never sure if I was judging her for her inability to be happy on her own, or if I was jealous and curious about how she was able to pull it off. It’s a fine line between judgment and jealousy. I wondered how she’d fair at an all-girl school, and unsurprisingly, she decided in school that she was bisexual.

When there are no men around, sometimes, you’ve got to resort to the more dramatic sex to get your fix. It happens…but it also doesn’t happen. Not everyone’s going to order a taco just because the establishment’s not serving up sausage. One strictly dickly Smith student just wanted a way to meet some other straight women to go out and meet some dudes with and thought that bringing a sorority to her school, for straight women, might be the way to do it. She wrote an email to potential members.

“Hello, this is [XXX] and I am sending this message to girls I think might be interested in this idea and I would also love to hear your opinion on this. so I have this crazy idea but tell me what you honestly think. I want to start a sorority at smith (Delta Gamma/DG), which would basically just be an exclusive group for straight girls, a little friend group.. We would have sorority mixers with Amherst men, weekly dinner dates, weekly photoshoots where we would dress up nice, baking nights.. We would also get Sorority apparel (even Lily Pulitzer has the cutest DG stuff!) and we’d have traditions, like every wednesday we wear pink haha. I got this idea because personally as a straight girl at Smith, I feel marginalized and I feel like the minority, and I think this could be a really great way to socialize with people we identify more with at smith, and to meet more guys.. The first mixer is already plnned, wih the Amherst bball team this Friday (actually their idea!) What do you think?”

The message was made public a lesbian blogger and then Jezebel. Surprise! Everyone freaked out at the insensitive, insecure, intolerant, little straight girl who thinks that ALL straight women like to bake and dress up! She can’t possibly feel marginalized because SHE’S STRAIGHT! How could someone so ignorant get into Smith in the first place?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love gay people, but I think this reaction is a little ridiculous. When I go out with my coworkers, I have a good time, but what usually happens is some conversation about “the titties that just walked by” and LeBron before the poon hunting begins at around 1AM. What doesn’t ever happen is conversation about the new boutique that just opened and whether or not we like cat-eye sunglasses before we get those guys over there to buy us drinks. Sure, there are lesbians who care about Kim Kardashian for reasons other than her ass, but there are also some that don’t. A lot of lesbians don’t care about traditionally feminine things and some do, but NO lesbians are interested in the one thing that tends to bond women above all else: men.

Presenting it as “straights only” sounds bad, because any time the majority wants to exclude any minority group, they are evil, but I hardly think this is an act of hate, because if any sane person hated lesbians, they wouldn’t go to an all-girl’s school in the first place. The student just wants to find some friends who can help find someone to penetrate her and talk about it after, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[via Jezebel]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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