The 6 Different Types Of Blondes


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As a proponent of “change your hair, change your life,” I’ve just about done it all. I’ve had a bob, I’ve had long extensions, and I’ve even had bangs. I’ve also had many a hair color. And from doing it all, I know without a doubt, that blonde is best. But as a card-carrying blonde, I’ve noticed that there isn’t just one type of blonde. Over time blondes have progressed, creating many subdivisions of what was once just a singular “blonde.”

The Natural Blondes Who Dye Their Hair

You might as well slap God in the face. Fake blondes everywhere empty their wallets to get golden locks, and you’re trying to get rid of that?! Shameful. I have to wonder if they know that once they dye their hair, they will never be able to be a natural blonde again. And when they decide to go back to blonde (which they will), they’ll have to introduce bleach into their lives. An unnecessary evil they could’ve avoided. SMH.

The Natural Blondes

But then there are the natural blondes that cherish their manes, and know how good they have it. Natural blondes are very rare, despite what many fake “natural blondes” will tell you.

The Platinum Blonde

This isn’t your regular blonde, she’s a ~cool, hip~ blonde. She probably refuses to even consider herself a blonde, because she doesn’t want to be a stereotype. She’s trendy, and probably gets hella Instagram likes.

The Brunette With Highlights

The girl is delusional. She is undoubtedly a brunette, and is living a lie. This girl went to the salon, sat in the chair wrapped in that plastic cape, and got a partial highlight. After those few strips of aluminum foil left her head, all she saw was blonde. But a partial highlight does not a blonde make. She is still a brunette.

The Tried And True Blonde

She isn’t a blonde from birth, but she was putting bleach on her hair the moment her parents let her. She grew up having blonde role models from Barbie to Elle Woods. She knows she might be a stereotype, but she can’t help it that she identifies as a blonde. Since she’s been a blonde for so long, she knows all the tips and tricks. She washes her hair with purple shampoo, she knows it is a sin to box dye, and she knows every shade of blonde from ash gray to dirty.

The “Blondes Have More Fun” Blonde

Maybe she went through a breakup. Maybe she’s just looking for a change. But this new blonde is in it for the lifestyle. She wants to see if changing her hair color could quite possibly make her life “more fun.” But she will learn that with great power comes great responsibility, and that blondes do, indeed, have more fun. Although, she’ll probably go back to her previous hair color, she’ll always cherish her time as a blonde.

God speed, my fellow blondes. God, I love ya.

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