The 7 Different Types of Professors


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1. The One Who Isn’t Even A Professor

The dreaded grad student who somehow weaseled his way into teaching your class. You might have hooked up with him. You might want to. But, one this is for certain, this guy walked into class with a purpose and treats the room like he owns the place. You’re pretty sure you saw him drink a gallon of cheap beer from a funnel last night, but you don’t really care because he is kind of hot.

2. The One Who Relives The Glory Days

We don’t care how many body shots you took sophomore year the night before a final. We don’t care which “celebrity” you met in the line for the bathroom in the club that one time in 1962. We don’t care that you went to a Pink Floyd concert. And no, we don’t want to see pictures. But you know what, we don’t even care that he spends your two hour class discussing the time he went streaking sophomore year. We’re just happy we’re not doing actual work.

3. The Comedian

His class is composed of 50% jokes, 30% sympathy laughter, and 20% learning. This guy is probably the biggest nerd you’ve ever met, but you’re forced to laugh at his jokes because if you fail his class, your dad won’t pay for your tuition. In high school, he was the kid who probably had a rolling backpack and was obsessed with Star Wars. Now, he has a rolling brief case and is wearing a pair of white New Balances.

4. The Hot One

Whether you want to admit it or not, you think this professor is hot. You don’t want to admit it to your friends, afraid that they will judge you. But, to you, this guy is pretty much the George Clooney of professors. Yeah he’s 50. Yeah he is a little obsessed with World War II. But, we all have our little quirks, right? If your high school teachers looked liked this, you probably wouldn’t have been late every day. You’re pretty sure he winked at you last Tuesday. You spend class thinking about his him despite the ring on his finger. You totally have a chance, right?

5. The Strict One

Your phone rang. You got to class late. You didn’t double-space your paper. Doesn’t matter because this professor decided he didn’t like you the moment she saw you. I don’t know why. You have a charming personality. In fact, all of your professors never disliked you. Except for this one.

6. The One Who Has Nothing Better To Do

They assigned your 100 student class a 7 paragraph essay. They made a test made up of 15 essay questions. Do they have nothing better to do than sit at home and grade all day and night? No. They have had nothing (or no one) else to do except grade your poorly written paper you wrote last night in a hungover daze.

7. The One Who Would Rather Be Doing Anything Else

This professor wants to be there just as much as you want to. Not at all. He comes to class late. His shirt is untucked. His tie is uneven. Probably hungover. Every morning, he wakes up regretting not going to medical school like his mother wanted him to. He didn’t even plan a lesson today. And you’re pretty sure he just fell asleep grading papers. Does that mean we can go home now?

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