The 7 Stages Of Getting In Trouble With Your Sorority


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Nice Move


It wasn’t a particularly special day, but it was going along as good as any normal day would. I was finishing up my usual weekday morning ritual of getting a breakfast sandwich, sipping some black coffee, and checking my mail. Usually there’s nothing in the mail, but I always check in case I’ll be surprised with a forgotten online shopping order.

This time there wasn’t a package slip greeting me in my box — just a letter. And not just any letter. It was an envelope adorned with the address of my sorority’s headquarters, official symbol and all. It couldn’t be my dues, because I had just paid them, so what could it be? I opened it quickly, lightheaded and heart pounding.

I proceeded to pull out the two-page letter addressed to me. My eyes widened, heart stopped. I was in trouble. Big trouble. Something I’d said had been blown out of proportion. I’d been told on. I’d been betrayed. Or did nationals just stalk me that much? It was the most heartbreaking moment of my (sorority) life. How could this have happened? Of all the people in this world and all the awful things they’re doing, I was the one to get in trouble. And for this?

After a few gut-wrenching days of feeling nothing but guilt and severe ugly-crying, I decided that nothing good would come of my gloom. I needed to respond. So, like any other passive-aggressive young woman would, I wrote a two-page apology letter back. I referenced my “moral compass” and a bunch of other sappy stuff about loving my sorority, which was actually all true. A year later after the dust had all settled, the girl who told on me finally admitted it, I cried it out, and now I have the letter framed in my room to remind me that bitches will always be bitches.

Whether you got a letter from Nationals like me or just a “talking-to” from standards, you’re familiar with these stages of getting in trouble with your sorority.

1. Stupidity

It doesn’t matter what you did. On some (remote) level, it was stupid. You probably shouldn’t have done it, and you wish you could take it back. But you can’t. It’s not a big deal, though. No one will find out, right?

2. Betrayal

Let’s face it–someone told on you. How would any higher-ups find out about “the deed” if everyone’s lips were sealed? You were probably just innocently going about your life not expecting a thing, and someone else was out there getting off on their power trip while tattling on you. This girl might be from your rival sorority or your own roommate, but chances are you’ll never find out who the dirty rascal was. Bitch.

3. Panic

“Am I going to get kicked out? Can they prove I even did this? I don’t even remember doing this!?” Greek life is the only part of college that’s complete enjoyable, and losing it would be everything. So, obviously the only things to do are spiral into a panic and hide under your covers until the monsters go away.

4. Regret

Immediately, you wish you could take back what you did, even if it wasn’t that bad.

5. Anger

It’s absurd that this petty shit still goes on after high school, and everyone you cross paths with is sure to hear your thoughts on the matter. Eventually, your scandal will become old news when someone else breaks the chapter record for stupidity (i.e. fun). Until then, f-bombs and elevated frustration will be your dialect.

6. Apology

After you calm down a bit, you’ll realize that the only proper response is an apology. As much as we hate doing it, apologizing in person, or at least in writing, is the best thing to do. Try to make it sound heartfelt.

7. Acceptance

No one is perfect, and this is most certainly not the end of your life. We all do dumb shit at one point or another. The only difference is that you got caught this time.

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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