The Holiday Gift Guide Even Your Boyfriend Can’t Mess Up


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If you’re in a relationship over the holidays, nothing can be more nerve-wracking than the getting and giving of gifts. What if you give each other gifts of different value? Or you give too many or too few? What does the gift you’re giving say about your relationship? There are a ton of things I don’t want for Christmas, but I figured I should put together a guide to help all the shmucks out there figure out what they should get you without ruining your Christmas.

The Naked Vault (Volume II)

If your girl knows what makeup is, I can assure you that she wants the Naked Vault. Yes, I know what that sounds like, and no, it isn’t a code name for a spank bank. The Naked Vault is the collection of the crème de la crème of eyeshadows, and all of them in one place is everything our hearts desire. While currently sold out at Sephora, keep an eye out for this to be restocked, because they go fast. It may seem absolutely insane to drop $165 on makeup, but trust me, she would buy all of these individually anyway for the $275 retail value, so you’re really saving a ton of cash with this purchase.

Not Proposing at Christmas

We all know the truth: holiday engagements are just a terrible excuse to get out of buying a real present. Yes, of course I want a 2.5 carat circle cut platinum cable-cross engagement ring. But I want it IN ADDITION TO whatever you were going to get me for Christmas. Proposing at Christmas is sloppy and cheap and you should know that any girl who pretends to be excited about this is a liar. And what, you’re going to “celebrate” your engagement by banging the headboard in the guest room of your mom’s house while your 14-year-old sister is watching Rudolph in the living room? No thank you. Do yourself a favor and make sure that your fiancée-to-be isn’t mocked in a group text and make your proposal its own special, romantic event that her drunk great-aunt Sally isn’t a part of.

Literally Anything From My Pinterest

If your girlfriend has a Pinterest (she does), she most likely has a wish list board – which is code for “things I really hope my boyfriend is smart enough to buy for me, and if he doesn’t, I WILL get mad at him.” If you’re unclear about the ins and outs of Pinterest, text one of her girlfriends for a link and pull out your credit card. These are all of the things that she wants you to get her but is too afraid to tell you out loud for fear of sounding crazy. If you want to be the #bestboyfriendever this Christmas, surprise her with the Michael Kors bag she won’t stop pinning in every color. I promise you won’t regret it.

A Puppy

The only thing I want for Christmas, other than a million dollars and a Porsche Cayenne, is a puppy. Who wouldn’t want a puppy for Christmas? They’re perfect, adorable, fluffy balls of energy and happiness that I would love to take endless Instagrams of. Just don’t let me forget to feed it.


Whether it’s changing your relationship status or handing over your Netflix password, all I want for Christmas is to know that no other girl has any claim to you whatsoever. Hand to God, the best present you could possibly ever get me is handing me your phone and letting me delete the phone numbers of all of your exes. Get ready for your Insta to be blown up, because the tagging is about to commence.


It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Bath & Body Works. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel like a luxurious princess in a bubble bath of flower petals. Lush is B&BW’s cool, older sister that sells only the best handmade, organic products with natural ingredients. Not only do they make glitter and pink look cool again, but their bath bombs make me feel like an actual mermaid. So please, skip the warm vanilla sugar body spray and buy me something from Lush that’s three times more expensive.

Something From the Heart

The best gift of all is a meaningful one that shows you truly care. Coffee mugs with inside jokes, treats from my favorite store that you can only buy in one city, or mementos of our time together all show me that I’m the most important person in your life, which is all I really need. But please be aware that if you go this route, you’d better have an additional gift that you purchased with either your hard-earned cash or your student loans to accompany it. This is supposed to be a romantic gift option, not a cheap one. Better put it in Louis Vuitton luggage, just to be on the safe side.

RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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