The Smart(ish) Way To Send Nudes

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Let me start out by saying that sending nudes is a bad idea. Always. It is ALWAYS a bad idea. It’s just such a risky behavior. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. You might trust the guy will “delete it right after you send it,” but that’s because you’re an idiot. Men are not to be trusted, especially with this sort of thing. The attractiveness of a girl he’s with, and the things she’s willing to do for him, are two of the things that drive his ego the most. He will share the picture, if for no other reason than to prove to his friends that a girl was willing to send it.

A lot of you are smart enough to know better, but you still keep on sending them. Why do you do it? Well, probably because he asked you to, you aggressively refused his request, and then you spent twenty minutes taking them “just to see what they would look like.” You forgot to delete them before the first time you drank (later that night), making you overly aware of how many people touch your phone. You then find yourself in the situation where you need attention, you like the idea of the boy whose text messages make you jump to your phone getting a stiffy for you in some remote corner of the frat house, and you’re drunk. This is the recipe for, one more time…a bad idea. I mean, I get it. You are confusing “desperate people-pleaser” for “sexy temptress,” a common misconception. I’m not saying it’s the worst thing you can do. There are definitely circumstances that make it a less bad idea than others, but no matter who it is on the receiving end of your slutty selfies, it’s not going to be the most brilliant decision you’ve ever made.

Personally, I have a strict boyfriends-only policy which I think every girl should adapt. I am a firm believer that you should have a fun sex life with your boyf, and the casual you’re-in-class-right-now-and-you-have-to-conceal-the-reaction-you-just-had pic is unexpected, sexy, and also hilarious to you, the sender. The important part of the boyfriends-only policy, though, is YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND – not the guy who took you to formal, not your friend with bennies, not your ex, not some guy you just met who has the balls for some reason to proposition you for this, not the guy who was willing to send you one first (because why would you want a dickture anyway?), not the I-know-he’s-going-to-ask-me-to-be-his-girlfriend-any-minute-and-you-don’t-know-him-he’d-never-screw-me-over guy. NONE of them. Your real life, FBO, met-his-grandmother, boyfriend. If you’re as picky as I am, though few people are, you don’t just commit to any guy you meet. If you decide you like someone enough to make him your actual boyfriend, he’s probably pretty rich great. You’re experiencing this thing called “love” I once believed in, which is usually accompanied by trust. He’s probably not going to share the nudey pic you shouldn’t have sent, because he respects you…or because he’s possessive and doesn’t want anyone else looking at you. Whatever.

Even if a guy is your real live boyfriend, I urge you to go faceless. Seriously, omit anything that easily identifies this picture as you. He may be Prince Charming now, but think of how psycho you’ve gotten after a bad breakup. Who among us has never slashed the tires of a failed flame? Would it be really fucked up, and possibly illegal to be passing that around once you’re donezo? Yes, but stranger things have happened. If you send a pic that is obviously you, your life is over, but if there is no identifying face, feature, or background, it’s just another really great set of tits on the internet.

Finally, the advent that brought this concept to me in the first place: Snapchat. It seems great. You can get that rush of excitement that comes with scandal (even just one second of scandal), and it disappears forever in the blink of an eye. You don’t have to fear the ramifications! Hooray! But alas, you’ve been outsmarted. It only takes one second to take a screenshot, which I know because there are now multiple pictures of me looking like a hobo saved on various friends’ phones. Yes, you’ll get a notification that he did it, but that doesn’t happen until after he has a picture of you in your birthday suit, saved for all eternity until he drops his phone in a toilet.

Seriously, I know you want to trust the guys in your life because you’ve already planned out your whole wedding aside from getting him to propose, but if you’re going to do something stupid, be smart about it.

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Hot Piece (@VeronicaGrandex) is a Senior Writer and Content Manager for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Hot Piece has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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