1. Your Ex
Type the first letter of his name in your search bar and he pops right up. Whether you are looking at old pictures of you guys when you are feeling nostalgic, keeping tabs on him when you are feeling jealous, or digging for hideous middle school pictures of him to make yourself feel better, your ex’s page is a stalking hotspot.
2. Your Ex’s New Girl
What makes her so special? You have to find out. If you’re going to hate someone as intensely as you hate her, you have to do your research. She’s kind of cute but, like, her smile is weird and she probably has an annoying laugh. No. She definitely has an annoying laugh.
3. The Teen Mom
She is always the one you least expect. Pregnant mirror selfies and baby pictures are entertaining, but not nearly as entertaining strongly opinionated and often patronizing statuses. Please, tell us more about how having a baby has made you a better person…than us.
4. The Girl Who Lost 200 Pounds
She never looked that bad, but holy shit now she looks amazing. Seriously, this girl is a monster and she deserves to look that good. I’d be jealous, but I am not jealous of how much work she had to put in. I’ll just sit over here with my bag of chips and throw her Transformation Tuesday picture a like.
5. The Jackass Who Peaked In High School
There is something so satisfying about karma coming back to get someone. Can’t wait until the ten year reunion where you will (hopefully) have your shit together and he’ll still be crushing beer cans on his face and talking about his football days.
6. The Cool Mom
This woman is life goals. Her husband is gorgeous, her kids are precious, and she still looks like she did in college. She needs to teach you her ways, or you need to Freaky Friday this situation and switch lives with her.
7. The High School Sweethearts
Ugh, they are so cute you could actually vomit. Yeah you’re happy for them, but at the same time your insane envy makes you wish ill will towards them. 20 bucks says he’s cheated on her at college. You still better get an invite to the wedding though.
8. Your Best Frenemy
Stalking her is basically a desperate search for a terrible picture. She’s either really on top of her shit or she never looks bad in a picture. You know for a fact there has to be one, and when you find it, you will rub your paws together and howl at the moon in satisfaction.
9. Your Elementary School Crush
He used to be cute, you swear. You just can’t believe that he’s dating the Teen Mom now. You really dodged a bullet on that one.
You have to keep your image in check. Make sure you untag yourself from that picture where you are clearly amidst a black out or where your upper arm resembles a Christmas Eve ham. You never know what future employer, boy toy, or PNM could be creeping..