I never liked Tinder. I’m a big fan of getting to know people before deciding whether or not I want to sleep with them. Because, who knows? That geeky nerd who quoted “Harry Potter” in his bio (be still, my heart), might look like a Hufflepuff, but there’s a chance he’s hung like a fucking Gryffindor.
Still, I can’t deny that Tinder was (and still sort of is) totally a thing. If you need a confidence boost or just a casual fuck, it’s been there. But now, Tinder is changing the game. Gone is the safe 50-50 chance of a guy wanting to bone you. Now, there’s a third option, and it is going to screw with your ego. Hard.
According to Metro, Tinder unveiled a “Super Like” feature this past week because being on Tinder wasn’t depressing enough. Basically, there’s the normal swipe right and left features, but now you can also swipe up. And what does the up swipe mean? It either means that this person is your soul mate, or they’re thirsty AF.
According to the assholes who’ve used it, you only get one up swipe a day. And you’ll get some sort of blue (ball) notification if someone Super Likes you. And if you both Super Like each other then the heavens open up and you live happily-ever-after. Or you just like, meet up at a Wendy’s and bang in the bathroom. Whichever.
And if he doesn’t Super Like you then you’re faced with why. Are you not pretty enough? Are you too pretty? Maybe after you screw he’ll Super Like you? Before, if he swiped right, there was a chance it’s because he thought you’re wife material. Now? A right swipe makes it pretty clear that he only cares about getting into your pants. Which is actually the whole point of Tinder anyway. Ugh. It’s exhausting. And it feels strangely like being rejected on the playground in elementary school. Luckily, there’s an overdramatic video to better explain this.
Image via Youtube / Tinder