True Life: I Don’t Like Beyoncé


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Nice Move


It’s taken me a long time to build up the courage to do this. I never really thought this day would come, but I’m sick of living a lie. I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of fan-girling over someone that I’m not a fan of. I’m not quite sure what’s pushed me over the edge. Maybe it was the conceited Instagram posts. It could be the annoying bee emojis. Or, it might be because I think her music is just okay. Whatever it is, I feel like it’s time to speak up. It’s time to be true to myself, and it’s time to pave the way for others who have been too scared to speak up.

The truth is, I don’t like Beyoncé. There. It’s out there. I said it. I don’t like her.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. I’m not one of those illiterate, trolly people leaving weird AF comments on her pictures. I don’t run around telling everyone how overrated I think she is. And I don’t harbor weird, slightly sexual, yet obviously jealous feelings for her.

I just don’t think she’s that great. And I don’t know why everyone decided to treat her like a goddamn, well, God. Was it the “Bootylicious” song? Or maybe “Single Ladies.” It was “Single Ladies,” right? What the actual fuck was it that turned Beyoncé into a deity and why are all of you people still chugging the Bey Kool-Aid?

She’s beautiful. Yes, I’ll give you that. And she’s not “skinny” which is super cool and different. She has nice hair and she makes music that has decent beats that people like to get drunk to. So for all of those reasons, bravo Bey. Bravo. But if we think for half a second, we’ll realize that I just described basically every pop singer out there. Or chorus girl. Or random bitch in your sorority who always starts singing “Wagon Wheel” at the bar. A pretty girl with nice hair who can hold a beat and steal gazes from guys who are taken. See? Beyoncé! She’s just like us!

Except not really. She’s insanely famous and quote, unquote fabulous. But if we burry that stardom down, and look at her as a person, we’ll realize that she’s sort of annoying. I mean, if anyone else posted the pictures that she posted on her Instagram, you’d have blocked them by now. Picture after picture of her standing in front of a white/red/see-through wall wearing some classy-yet-slutty outfit. Bey wearing a leotard? Posted. Bey wearing a pink skirt? Posted. Bey wearing the same exact pink skirt but posing slightly differently? Fucking posted. And then, she receives comment after comment about how “she runs the world.” UGH. No. Make it stop. Please.

Besides, one look at her and you know that she agrees. She thinks she’s really pretty.

Stop joining the “Beyhive” just because it’s popular. Stop following someone who decided to show up to an event hours late just because she didn’t like her hair. Stop being obsessed with someone who is obviously obsessed with herself.

I mean, sure, you have the right to be obsessed with whomever you want. Sorry. But couldn’t you be obsessed with someone who’s fighting the good fight? Someone who’s funny and passionate and doesn’t take themselves too seriously? I mean, hello? Tina Fey? Amy Schumer? Me? You’re more than free to be obsessed with me. Seriously. I’m not skinny. And I have decent hair when I photoshop it. And have you ever heard me sing? I’ve been called the song bird of my generation (lies. All lies). But whatever, do you. It’s fine. Really.

All I’m saying is that, Beyoncé isn’t for everyone. And if you’re one of the few people out there immune to her charms, I just want you to know: you’re not alone. It’s a scary world for a non-Bey lover, but it’s possible. You can live with this. You can be accepted and loved for who you are. You don’t have to lie anymore. You don’t have to pretend. It’s okay. It will all be okay now. And Bey, don’t be mad when you see that we don’t want it. The heart wants what it wants, and for some of us, that’s just not you.

Finally, I’m going to be honest about it. Finally, I’m going to tell the truth. Finally I can say, I don’t like Beyoncé Knowles. And I woke up like that.

Image via Everett Collection /

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

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