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Tuxedo Clad Man Shot At Young Couple For Interrupting His Blow Job — And Scaring His Hooker Away

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You know those nights when nothing is going your way? You get dressed up to get messed up, just looking for a good time. You’re thinking maybe you’ll meet a nice lady, take her home, and engage in some consensual pants off dance off action. Unfortunately, the party ends and you’re as alone as you ever were. Suddenly, it’s 2am and you have two options: go home with your hand or buy yourself a companion. Obviously you choose option number two. You’re not a loser, after all. So there you are. In an alley with a lady of the night. Finally. It’s happening. That sweet release of hooker head…except, wait, NO. Son of a bitch. What’s that noise? What is happening? What. Is. Going. On?

And then it hits you: a couple is arguing. Loudly. And then it hits her (no, not the semen, you dirty birds). Not wanting to get caught — or arrested — she runs away. She’s a classy hooker. She’s not one to be interrupted mid-kiss-of-the-tip in an alley. So, what do you do? Well, you have no choice. You’re a man — and those two bickering idiots just cost you an orgasm. So, you shoot them. Obviously.

Like I said: just one of those nights where nothing goes your way. Know what I mean? No? Yeah, me neither. Except that that’s exactly what happened to Seattle’s Paul Hunter. Old Man Paul (he’s 62) was just out minding his own business/being a businessman (paying for the sex and all) when a couple walked past the alley he and his hooker had claimed. And wouldn’t you know it, they were arguing — and this really pissed Old Man Paul off. So much so, that he had no other choice (I guess?) than to whip out his pistol (you know, because his dick was already out) and start shooting. The couple — now scared out of ever fighting again — ran for cover behind a car and waited for Paul to zip up and wander off into the night.

Except he didn’t wander too far. An old man in a tuxedo kind of sticks out in the Seattle suburbs, especially when it’s 2am and said man is both covered in semen stains and yielding a weapon. Old Man Paul was quickly picked up by police and charged with second-degree assault. He remains in jail. Fortunately for Old Man Paul, both his sexual appetite and physical aggression will bode well for him in there.

[via Seattle PI]

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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