Unrealistic Perks That Should (But Don’t) Come With Sorority Houses


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Nice Move

Sorority House

If there has been one integral part of my college career that has been missing, it would be having a sorority house. And while my school lacks a quintessential part of Panhellenic life, I have done some investigating into the idea of sorority residences while visiting my friends. I had high expectations for the houses, basing my limited knowledge off of movies and the small but trendy suite that my sorority utilizes for its headquarters. But after touring a few of my friends’ modest abodes, I can say that I am decidedly under-impressed. And this got me to thinking: what would the ideal sorority house look like? Well, grab your hard hats, ladies, because I have taken it upon myself to construct the ultimate Greek mansion. I’m still waiting on construction approval, but here are my ideas so far.

The Kitchen
The kitchen is truly the heart of any home, so I think that it would be fitting for it to reflect sorority women’s true desires. This state-of-the-art facility would include a deep-fryer, Starbucks and Diet Coke on tap, and a full-service Chipotle bar.

The Bathroom
Besides being entirely pink, the bathroom would include an on-call hair stylist. Counter space would be maximized, and any hair accumulated in the drain would magically disappear. There would also be a communal makeup cabinet, and a fully stocked nail polish shelf – gel, of course.

The Living Room
Pillows. So many pillows. And blankets. Essentially, this room would cut the crap and be rid of any old and rigid furniture. I mean, it’s the most communal spot of the entire house – shouldn’t it be the comfiest? But let’s not forget the cute touches: a chandelier, a huge fireplace (for roasting s’mores), and a color scheme paying homage to your sorority’s colors.

The Bedrooms
Bedrooms would be a mixture of singles and doubles, to accommodate the social butterflies and the introverts alike. Each would be perfectly decorated and coordinated to the owner’s taste, but hidden snack cabinets would be a mandatory component. Closets would be walk-in, with a separate section dedicated purely to sorority tees and shack shirts. Bonus: a hidden compartment to hide a boy in if anyone decides to walk in mid-hookup.

The Basement
The basement. There’s a reason it’s underground. This is the one room of the house that is cluttered, disorganized, and occasionally a hot mess. Whether it be covered in glitter, wine stains, or Cheetos dust, this is the one area where you can let loose. Décor is non-existent, but vending machines and multiple TVs are necessary.

The Wine Cellar
This is the crown jewel of the house. Hidden behind the aforementioned vending machines as not to be discovered by a wandering advisor, this classy room would feature aisles of wine. A nearby fridge would house a selection of cheese, and comfy couches and TVs would be placed for a perfect viewing of “The Bachelor.” Also, there may be a case of Natty in the back.

Floor layouts and blueprints are in the works, but I have high hopes for this Greek mansion.

PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at PSLandPearlsTSM@gmail.com (note the single PSL).

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