What Your Girl Crush Says About You


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Ok, I like men. I am straight, there’s no denying that. But certain female celebs make me question my sexual orientation. No question celebrities are beautiful people and sometimes you can form a girl crush on one of the opposite gender, even if you’ve sworn yourself to dick for your entire life. Maybe your celebrity crush reveals not just something about your sexual preference, but maybe something about your inner personality.


You’re a bad bitch who can’t be tamed. Not only is RiRi a Caribbean beauty, but she also seems like a hell of a good time. Sure you may be a smoker and a drinker, but you have class too. Rihanna is the queen of giving zero fucks. You can’t help it if you’re better than these peasants. You don’t subtweet, you’ll give it to someone straight. You don’t like to be crossed and you don’t give a shit if you come off as a little bit of a bitch. Please you’re not a bitch, you’re a straight up badass boss.

Taylor Swift

It’s weird to think Taylor is 26 years old. It seems like just yesterday she was flailing on stage for the first time. The gawky and uncoordinated blonde, is pretty much like the rest of us sorority girls. She moves from guy to guy and never really understands what it’s like to act like a normal person. She embraces her awkwardness unlike any true pop superstar. You were probably a little weird in high school. You’re probably as strange and unstable as T-Swift, but too shy to admit it. We all have a little bit of T-Swift in us, and wish you could write songs explicitly about your ex and get away with it.

Jennifer Lawrence

You’re about as quirky and down to earth as they come. Let me guess? You loveeee pizza. Hate to break it to you, but so does the entire human race. J-Law is that girl next door, that also happens to have multiple Oscars and millions of dollars. It’s okay though, you can totally imagine yourself throwing back a beer or two (or twelve, the girl can def drink) with her. Like your crush, you are one of the cool girls who happens to be beautiful at the same time. You can rock a dress and wedges for Sunday brunch, but you can also crack a joke about farts…funny people do that right?

Blake Lively

From her days as “S” on the upper East Side, to her new role as mommy, Blake has managed to remain flawless throughout her entire life (I’ll even throw it back to when she was sharing pants with a bunch of chicks). Her life is straight goals. She even snagged one of the sexiest men on earth. Ugh, I love it when beautiful people find each other. So let me guess, you’re a little basic. You watched all the season of GG praying the beautiful “S” would not end up with dirty Dan and his unruly chest hair, okay maybe that was only me? You love aesthetically pleasing things, who doesn’t? You also love a good ol’ fashioned pumpkin spice latte. You’re proud of your basic qualities and your Tori Burch flats.


Does this even need an explanation?

Okay like 99% of the population worships this woman, but you decided you didn’t care. Apparently, her mellifluous voice of an angel, her caramel, soft, glowing, skin, and her bootylicious body weren’t enough for Jay-Z to say faithful (allegedly). But, your obsession has never wavered. You stay true to yourself and your friends. You are a ride or die kind of gal. Your friend’s boyfriend cheated on her? You’re the first one over with Ben and Jerry’s and tissues or you’re the one ready to slash his tires.

Amy Schumer

You’re funny, I know it. Starting with her show to her movie, she is absolutely hilarious. You’re one of those girls who does not base everything off looks. You’re all about substance over appearance. You’re probably a real firecracker yourself. Not only has Amy tackled the issues of slut shaming and body image, she’s gone deeper into gun control and women’s reproduction rights. Even if you disagree with her, you gotta agree she’s a cool gal. So, you’re pretty informed and hilar yourself.


This is an intervention. Stop saying you are you are your own #WCW. It’s tacky.

Image via landmarkmedia / Shutterstock.com

On an average day you can find me awkwardly asking to pet dogs, searching through frat houses to find my missing wallet, and sending apology texts to the innocent victims from the evening before. Still navigating my way through undergrad life, and enjoying every drunken and confusing second of it. email me at : drunkandconfused@gmail.com if you have any breaking news/funny stories or if you want to fill me in as to what I did last night...

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