Sure, you may consider yourself sane. You turn your assignments in on time, pay your bills, generally have a pretty decent grip on reality. But even the most sane among us are still susceptible to the most ridiculous of fantasies: the imaginary celebrity boyfriend. Everyone has one. You can try to deny it. You can say “well, I know I would never like, actually get to date him. I just think he’s cute, is all.” But I’m not buying that shit. No, you may not have a poster of him up on your bedroom wall or buy any fandom related merchandise, but you’re still in deep. Like, daydream-in-your-spare-time-about-actually-getting-to-marry-him-and-becoming-famous deep. However, it’s important to note that not all imaginary celebrity boyfriends are created equal, and who you choose to fantasy shack-up with actually says a lot about you. Let’s explore, shall we?
A perfect transitional boyfriend into the world of imaginary significant others, Nick Jonas is what I like to refer to as an “all-around all-star” due to the fact that he checks off literally almost every box without being overly intimidating in any singular aspect. Handsome? Check. Talented? Check. Smooth AF? Check. Kind? Check. Family-oriented? Check. Sense of humor? Check. He doesn’t exactly excel in any of these aspects, but he’s pretty damn good. If you love Nick J with an undying passion, then you’re probably something of a perfectionist. You’re constantly chasing that next gold star and love being all things to all people. Some may accuse you of pandering to gain favor, but hey, who cares? You’re pretty beloved.
A Hemsworth Brother
Oh, fuck yeah. The Hemsworths are hunky and they aren’t afraid to show it. I would bother differentiating between Chris and Liam, but honestly there’s no point. A tall, hunky Australian is a tall, hunky Australian. If you love a Hemsworth then you have a definite lust for life. You love surf, sand, and insane fighting with your siblings that may or may not involve knives. In short: you live, you laugh, you love.
A personal favorite that I suspect is shared by millions, if you love Harry Styles then you are a quintessential basic who thinks she’s not basic (no shame in that game, FYI, because that is pretty much what I will have carved on my tombstone). You claim to be into all that faux-boho stuff but when push comes to shove your go-to order at Starbucks is a java chip frap. You own a lot of hats and sometimes are able to make them work for you. You hate Kendall Jenner. Unequivocally.
Random D-List CW Actor
The random D-List CW Actor does not need to be named (although if he does have one it’s definitely like, Jared or Dylan or Trent or some bullshit like that), because he doesn’t actually exist. I mean sure, he’s a real person with a real job and he does press interviews and stuff, but he has a generically handsome face and will probably star in a few B- movies before Hollywood chews him up and spits him out. But you won’t care by then because you’ll be totally over him. You’re the type who loves them and leaves them and feels no shame. We celebrate you, sister friend. Keep doing your thing.
Ew, what? No, gross. Stop..