If you haven’t heard of the pumpkin spice mania taking over the land of the white girls, you’re probably dead. It all started with a clever marketing ploy to add cinnamon, nutmeg, and caramel coloring to your already overpriced lattes for a premium price, which of course is the best way to convince us that this vegetable is actually a welcome addition to our coffee. However, it couldn’t just stop there. Just like ex-boyfriends and your online shopping cart at the Kate Spade surprise sale, the white girls just couldn’t let this go.
After the lattes came pies, muffins, and pancakes inspiring an unavoidable wave of Pinterest desserts that you’ll never actually be able to master. That wasn’t enough either. White girls convinced themselves that everything consumed from September first to the day after Thanksgiving must smell exactly like a Yankee candle, bringing on pumpkin spice flavored Greek yogurts, chewing gum, and, of course, vodka. When they finally ran out of things to consume, the white girls have decided that the only remaining way to be more one with pumpkin spice was to become pumpkin spice itself.
Girls everywhere have graduated from eating, breathing, and drinking pumpkin spice to perfectly embodying it with the new absurd trend of pumpkin spice hair. One Instagram search of #pumpkinspicehair will show you just how far white girls are willing to go to prove that they love fall more than anyone else.
To truly show your commitment to the pumpkin spice life, your Instagram should feature you sipping a PSL, wearing a vest, and twirling around through the falling leaves. Personally, I think I’m going to opt out of this trend because my mom used to tell my six-year-old self that “if you keep eating so many chicken nuggets, you’re going to turn into one,” and I think that we have too many pumpkin patches right now as it is.
However, one thing is clear: if I’m going to hang onto my status as a white girl this fall, I’m going to have to do more to keep up than order my usual cable-knit sweater supply from J. Crew. After this trend, I can only sit back, pop some popcorn, and see what the white girls can come up with next..