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Why Stealing Someone’s Little Is Super Messed Up

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One of the most sacred things in the sorority life is the bond between big and little. In other words, you don’t fuck with that shit. Ever. If there’s one thing that you respect in this world, it’s that relationship. I wouldn’t mess with my worst enemy’s little. You just don’t do that, right? So why is it that we have girls out there aiming to STEAL another person’s little?

Big/little reveal is a sacred time in which you’re allowed to choose the sister who you want to mentor for pretty much the rest of her life. You choose carefully, because you need to find someone who you can be there for. Someone you can lift up, craft for, support, and spend all of your time with. If you choose someone who isn’t a good fit, you’re still stuck with her. You might as well go with it, try to make the best of the situation, and if things REALLY go south, most sororities have a way for the two of you to terminate that big/little status. Your little would get to choose a new big, and you could try to get a new little later on. Basically, a new big would adopt her, and that’s okay, because you guys had some serious problems that you couldn’t fix. But you need to really think before you do that, because there’s a REASON why you wrote THAT girl’s name down on your list. There’s a reason why you chose her. Before you break that bond, consider why you wrote her name down that night. Try to get back to the excitement you felt that night that you were revealed to her, or the days she got her baskets and posted Instagram pictures and begged other sisters to PLEASE just tell you who she was.

When you joined your sorority, you were put into a family tree. That tree is supposed to be full of girls you love and respect. So why are girls running around defiling their tree? There are girls in my chapter who call each other “secret big” and “secret little.” That’s disgusting, honestly.

“Secret Big,” let me explain something to you: you have a little. She’s yours. That girl you’re calling “secret little” is someone else’s little. How would you feel if someone ran around calling YOUR little her secret little? You would want to stand up and kick some ass. So how do you think that girl’s big is going to feel if she finds out you’re taking her little? This isn’t the same as adopting a new little. It’s STEALING a little, when you just got one who you have no intentions of ever actually CALLING your little officially. As long as you’re pulling this crap, your little is being ignored, and you’re pushing the other girl away from her big. If you’re really putting the time into your little that you should, there shouldn’t be time to fuck around with someone else’s. That girl will NEVER respect her big like she should if you keep pretending to be a better big than hers.

“Secret Little,” I’m going to let you in on a little secret: “Secret Big” doesn’t really want you. If she did, your name would have been at the top of her list, not some other girl’s. If she really, REALLY wanted to be your big, she would be. She wouldn’t be crafting for some other girl or taking pictures with some other girl–she would be doing all that for you. Frankly, you’re making yourself look ungrateful, because chances are, you’ve got a freaking AWESOME big, and you’re pushing her aside for one who wouldn’t be nearly as good for you. And if you honestly hate your big that much, once again, there are always options. Though your chapter may not make the procedure public, you can check into getting a new big, especially if yours is really terrible.

I’m not saying all bigs and littles automatically work out. Sometimes, a little gets a big who wasn’t even on her list, and it might end up being a disaster. In that case, it’s not little stealing, it’s saving a girl from a relationship that could have ended in her simply dropping rather than finding a new big who she clicks with. And littles, there are going to be A LOT of sisters who will lead you through your college days. They’re all there to help you and guide you. Don’t disrespect the relationship you have with your big because you’re temporarily close to someone else. Relationships change, people change, and that girl you’re calling your “secret big” might also change. In a year, you two might not be talking, but your big will still be your big. And if you alienate her and push her away, you’re going to mess up a relationship that was supposed to last a lifetime.

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