The weirdest thing happened to me this weekend. I fell asleep in the bedroom I grew up in, and I wasn’t drunk, or hungover, or using the assistance of sleeping pills. I was home for the weekend to attend the wedding of one of my sisters, and I was having a ton of anxiety over the fact that these bitches keep getting engaged/married/being grown ups and I feel as though if I don’t find my first husband within the next two years, I’ll be way too old to ever find my second. I can’t even watch re-runs of Say Yes to the Dress anymore without searching for my Xanax supply.
So, as I drifted off to sleep in the bed I once had dreams of getting engaged at graduation in, I found myself wrapped up in the best dream of my life: Kate Middleton (circa 2007) was my big, and she and I were having a very in depth discussion about life and love over mimosas one morning. It was a little unnerving to see the Duchess of Cambridge in my sorority’s letters, but in the best way possible. Our conversation went along these lines:
Me: “I just don’t understand how you haven’t lost it yet. You’ve been dating Will for years, and it doesn’t seem like there’s an engagement even on the horizon. Aren’t you frustrated that you came back to visit as an alumna this weekend and you still don’t have a ring to show off?”
Kate: “Listen, little Pearls, it does make me a little depressed that I’ll probably be a bridesmaid ten times over before I get engaged, but when I put it into perspective, it’s actually a blessing. Also, you’re the best little ever and I’m so proud we share the same letters.”
Me: “I love you too. Thank you for teaching me how to make my hair always look perfectly shiny. But, how do you think this is a blessing?! Everyone calls you “Waity Katie” because you won’t give him an ultimatum!”
Kate: “I’m marrying a Prince, first of all, so whenever that happens, I’ll already have that advantage over everyone else’s CEO husbands. And also, these next few years are going to be very crucial for me. I’m going to be able to become my own person and establish myself. When I do get engaged, I’ll have made a name for myself as more than just Prince William’s arm candy.”
Me: “Are you trying to tell me that I need to make my own success after graduation and shouldn’t freak out that everyone else seems to be getting engaged and planning their dream weddings? Should I instead work on making myself a fantastic success of a woman on my own?”
Kate: “Absolutely. Also, if you can learn one thing from me: the more people anticipate your wedding/engagement, the more people celebrate it. I’ll see if I can get Victoria and David Beckham to attend your wedding.”
Me: “I’d settle for Suri Cruise as my flower girl.”
At this point, we clinked mimosa glasses, and I woke up. Try as I did to fall back asleep and allow myself some more precious time with Princess Kate/my big, I couldn’t. However, I did realize that there is no reason for any of us to freak out because our sisters are getting engaged, or to put ourselves on the same timeline. There once was a time when I swore if I wasn’t married with kids by 25, I was a complete failure. I was 16, and apparently, very short-sighted. Would I love to have a huge Harry Winston and a fabulous career before I have my quarter of a century birthday? Absolutely. Do I feel as though I’ve compromised myself if I have to compromise on this fantasy? Absolutely not.
So I celebrating the first of many upcoming weddings this weekend, and some of you did the same, but I now encourage you to simply celebrate your sisters’ happiness, and not your own lack of ring. If there’s one thing we can learn from the most magical wedding in the world/luckiest bitch on the planet, it’s that all great things are well worth the wait.
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