Woman Has Sex Outside Waffle House, Then Tries To Wear Cheeseburger As A Shoe

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Nice Move

What are the best two things you can think of doing when you’re drunk? Having sex. Eating greasy food. I’d pretend to ask if I were wrong, but I’m not. Usually you have to choose. You only get one, right? Boy or burrito. But what if…you could have both?

As public sex is all the rage recently, one Georgia woman did just that. Rachel Gossett was getting busy with Frank Lucas outside their local Loganville Waffle House (because Waffle House), when a call was made to the police. No big deal, right? Everyone’s having sex in public, right? This is practically unexciting at this point.

Don’t worry, folks. Georgia made it interesting. Though the couple escaped an indecency charge, because their pickup truck (of course) blocked most of the action, the two were charged with loitering, and were told to get dressed. “When the female finally got dressed she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal,” the arresting officer told reporters.

A fucking cheeseburger. As a SHOE! I’ve always wondered what a step beyond “Text your ex 32 times in a row” drunk would look like. Meat feet are the new text-bomb. Their court date is January 16.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Foodista

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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