The sobbing. The stalking. The blocking. The eating. The unblocking. The stalking. The sobbing. The drinking. The texting. The sobbing. The stalking. The blocking. The pleading. The hating. The missing. The sobbing.
Breakups. God, aren’t they the fucking worst?
The thing is, you find this person. And he’s nice, and funny, and he looks at you in that way and he makes your heart flutter. You go places and explore and laugh and take selfies and make funny faces. You love and fight and love some more. You grow together and discover things and morph into the same person.
And then, one day, he decides that he doesn’t want to be that person anymore. He doesn’t want to be your person anymore. And that’s it. The end.
It feels like you might die.
I don’t mean that figuratively. It literally feels like your heart might explode or you might explode or the whole fucking world might explode because every time you wake up in the middle of the night, he’s not there. And he won’t be there.
It honestly seems impossible to get over. But, finally, science is on our side. According to Metro, your brain is actually wired to get you through a breakup. Professor Brian Boutwell, a researcher from Saint Louis University has found that,
We have a mechanism in our brains designed by natural selection to pull us through a very tumultuous time in our lives. It suggests people will recover; the pain will go away with time. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Not to paraphrase Ke$ha, but Boutwell went on to explain that falling in love is a lot like becoming addicted to drugs. That rush, the euphoria, the extremely painful withdrawals? It’s very similar to the feelings an addict has.
Ultimately, trying to move on from a former mate may be similar in some ways to an attempt at breaking a drug habit… Once that addiction has been severed, then [regions of the brain] help to facilitate a person moving on and finding a new partner.
Which means that your brain wants you to get over him already. And your friends probably want you to get over him already. And YOU probably want to get over him already. So you avoid texting him (sober), and you try to not go to his favorite bar too often, but ultimately, you miss him. So what happens? You relapse. You hook up. You call him. You beg him back. According to the professor, that’s normal, and your brain knows just how to handle it.
A person might initially pursue their old mate — in an attempt to win back their affection. However, if pursuit is indeed fruitless, then the brains of individuals may act to correct certain emotions and behaviors, paving the way for people to become attracted to new mates and form new relationships.
See? Everyone wants you to get over him already – including yourself. Hopefully with this breakthrough we can view relationships for what they are. A chemical stimulus that makes you feel good and buys you dinner. But once it’s over, quit it cold-turkey and get back out there. There are plenty of other relationship-drugs just waiting to be experimented with..