Your Ex’s Friends Probably Want To Hook Up With You


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Friends hook up

It’s the same old story. You’ve been dating a guy for a while, (months, possibly even years) and then all of a sudden, you break up. Maybe he was a sort of a jerk and you’d had enough or maybe he suddenly turned into a dick and broke your heart. Either way, it feels pretty shitty to have to person you spent all of your time with (and your genitals on) peace out, just when you thought things were getting good.

Chances are that post-breakup you’re either:
A) Pretty torn up about it or
B) Over it faster than you can say “freedom.

Unfortunately, however, freedom isn’t the easiest thing to come by at this stage. Dating someone in college, especially dating in Greek life, means you most likely have the same friend group. This also means that breakups are hella awkward for everyone involved. You’ll see his friends at the gym and won’t know whether to jump off the treadmill and hide, give a quick wave, or go up and say, “what’s up?” Usually, his friends will become mega-pussies who are too nervous to even look your direction for fear of pissing off your douchey ex.

However, what I’ve found to be quite hilarious is that his friends will act totally loyal to their “bro” for a good few weeks. They’ll avoid eye contact and pretend you don’t exist when you’re standing next to each other at the bar. And then out of the blue, one by one, they’ll all try to get a piece of that newly single ass. It’ll normally start with an innocent, “Hey, how are you?” text at a late but not unacceptable time on a Friday night. Maybe it will be DM or an Instagram message, but either way, one of them, most likely one that you were close but not too close with, will try to slip in.

You have a stiff back and forth conversation, and he says he’ll see you around. You think nothing of it. But the next time you’re getting ready to go out, he asks your plans for the night. You don’t think about it, send an answer, and next thing you know you’re at a party and you’re dancing. You turn around, and who is that grinding on you? None other than your ex’s best bud. You know, the one who cheated off of you in chem all year, and wouldn’t acknowledge you the past few weeks? Now his boner is digging into your back. How charming.

I really don’t understand what even happens? It’s as if these idiots think, “Well, she’s off limits until I decide I can hook up with her without getting dick punched for it.” Then it happens. Slowly but surely, all of your ex’s fraternity brothers are sending you 3 a.m., “You up”? Snapchats or trying to buy you drinks at the bar. Maybe they just want to prove their dominance over their male counterparts? Maybe they’re just horny and want to try their luck? Maybe they’ve been secretly in love with you the whole time? The world may never know. Either way, they’re sort of assholes for it. Unless they’re really hot. Then whatever. Your ex’s loss, his friends’ gain.

This featured image is a stock photo from our database. The people photographed are not in any way associated with the story.


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.