Growing up in Boston, Harvard wasn’t some distant place that I heard about as a mythical institution of higher education. Instead, it was the place that a swarm of nerdy kids invaded every fall. They would take up all of the parking spaces, crowd the subway, and make the line at Chipotle unbearably long, all the while looking down their nose at the locals because they go to “Hahrvard.”
Basically, any person who lives in Boston that isn’t a student there hates anyone who goes to that esteemed school of higher learning. However, a new study reveals that maybe the reason for the Harvard students’ attitude isn’t because they are elitist — it’s probably because they’re horny.
Annually, The Harvard Crimson surveys the school’s outgoing seniors on a variety of topics. They ask about everything from their post-college plans to their political affiliations, to yes, their sex lives. And it turns out that, while Harvard students are obviously well educated, one thing they aren’t as well versed in is the art of banging. Among the survey’s results:
42 percent had sex before entering Harvard.
That probably seems low, but when you think about it, these were the kids that actually studied in high school and joined academic clubs so yeah, that’s probably about right.
21 percent first had sex during freshman year.
I feel like this probably happened in some kind of lab. Maybe a computer lab, or a chemistry lab. But definitely some kind of lab.
24 percent said they had never had intercourse while at Harvard.
Finally, someone is answering survey questions honestly.
45 percent of male students watched porn multiple times per week.
It’s sort of comforting to know that even the brainiest boys in America are still disgusting.
43 percent said they always use a condom, while 31 percent said they sometimes, rarely, or never use a condom.
So not only do you get a world-class education, you get a bonus STD!
19 percent of male respondents reported having sexual intercourse with ten or more partners while at Harvard.
“Sexual intercourse” is different than “accidentally grazed a girl’s boob when reaching for a book at the library.” They know that, right?
Oh, those poor bastards. The next time some Harvard nerd with his giant backpack and his Harvard sweatshirt (seriously, they ALL WEAR HARVARD SWEATSHIRTS ALL THE TIME) tries to cut me in Chipotle, I’m just going to let him go ahead. It sounds like eating that delicious burrito is the closest he’s going to get to a sexual experience any time soon..
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