Superheroes
Wow, you’re so cute and nerdy. Tell me how many comic books you’ve read. If you don’t know the difference between Marvel and DC, do yourself a favor and avoid these costumes. This also includes everyone’s favorite blonde villain. We can’t all be Margot Robbie.
Really Anything Found in Your House.
Unless you’re a theatre major, avoid anything already in your closet. We get it: you’re broke, you didn’t have time to find a costume, etc. You’re still lazy. If you’re confused about what I mean, here are a few examples:
• Blue shirt and Red bandana? Rosie the Riveter.
• Leather Jacket? Biker Chick.
• Black dress? Wednesday Adams.
• Window curtain? Scarlet O’Hara.
Gross Costumes
These costumes involve little effort other than watching a few YouTube videos of how to apply fake blood to your face. These are lazy costumes for those girls who don’t care about looking hot. Or those girls who still somehow manage to be hot while looking like an extra from The Walking Dead in which case, kindly go fuck yourself.
Couples Costumes
Some couples costumes are really clever. Others are just plain lazy. Ketchup and Mustard? Salt and Pepper? Mickey and Minnie? We get it, you’re in a relationship and we’re all single. Don’t rub it in.
Tutus
When did it become socially acceptable to look like a four-year-old at a ballet recital? These are also the most deceptive costumes since a colored tulle can stand for literally anything. Ever ask a girl in a blue tutu what her costume is? You’ll get answers ranging from Cinderella to Cookie Monster. Also, who decided it was a good idea to sexualize characters from a children’s show? Who was the first to say, “I wanna be Cookie Monster, but you know, sexy”?
Costumes From Your Childhood
These costumes might include the following: Witch, Vampire, Pirate, Pumpkin, etc. If there’s a chance your mom dressed you up as one of these when you were two, maybe you should leave the past in the past.
Gangstas
I’m happy you’re Kayne’s biggest fan, but if the tan from your family vacay to the Bahamas is still fading, you’re not hardcore. At all. Pull up your pants, wipe off that sharpie teardrop tattoo and find your way to the nearest costume store.
Cultural Appropriation
A sombrero does not a costume make. Neither does a turban or a feathered headdress. A person’s culture is not a costume (at least not in this day in age). Not only are you lazy, you’re also offensive.
Animals
Let me guess, “you’re a mouse, duh”? Mean Girls was released twelve years ago, and your creativity has yet to improve.
No Costume
The only thing lazier than throwing on some animal ears is wearing no costume at all. This is the person who’s too cool for Halloween. You’re not ironic, you’re just lazy. This could also be the person who genuinely thinks a t-shirt counts as a costume. For example, one of my previous boyfriends thought a Batman t-shirt counted as dressing up. He’s my ex for a reason.
Now that I’ve successfully eliminated every possible Halloween costume, can’t wait to see what you come up with..
Image via Shutterstock
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