To prepare for various rounds of eager PNMs searching for the perfect house, we sorority women do a lot to promote our own sisterhoods. Among the measures taken to encourage interest, chapters put forth recruitment videos to demonstrate what they represent. These videos serve to display the genuine and honest behavior of each house–though we all know they would be much more accurate if beer bongs and booze were included. The problem is, these videos have become so unoriginal and repetitive in their construct that every video is practically identical to the next. Here are 10 things I guarantee you will see in every sorority recruitment video.
1. A crappy (but popular) upbeat, hip hop song that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the underlying themes of recruitment. This is a song that will become entirely too overplayed in a month or two, if it isn’t already.
2. An attempt at a somewhat artsy shot of the house’s main staircase, no matter how shitty it is. It will probably include a banner, and that banner will definitely include glitter.
3. Muted groups of awkward, dancing girls on the lawn who are obviously not actually having any fun at all. They might get up close to the camera and make a silly face to show you how fun and carefree they are. Someone will do a cartwheel.
4. There will be no shortage of the following articles of clothing: flower crowns, high waisted shorts, Converse, Nike shorts, and fratty crop tops. Possibly some knee socks, fanny packs, and fake neon Ray-Bans, as well.
5. A sentimental message in the form of a one-on-one interview with the most goody two-shoes member of the chapter, talking about one (or all) of the following: campus involvement, sisterhood, or philanthropy. She’ll be wearing J.Crew and sitting in a garden. And she’s probably a virgin.
6. About 20 pictures of girls dressed up for themed parties. This is sure to include something America themed, to show that the chapter is super patriotic and completely unoriginal.
7. As many pictures of past chapter accomplishments as possible. This includes “In 1986, we won Homecoming!” and “We were fourth in grades eight years ago!” Any legitimate accomplishments will be repeated about 15 times.
8. A shitty recording of a past philanthropy event, probably featuring a terribly choreographed dance in a dimly lit auditorium. The sound for this portion of the video will either be way too quiet or way too loud.
9. Fifty (or more) painfully obvious spray tans. The one girl in the video with a normal skin tone will look like a lone porcelain doll, and you will most certainly feel bad for her.
10. A slideshow of large group photos, while a girl in the background blabs about how choosing that sorority was the “best decision of her life.” She’ll also talk about how close she is with all of her sisters, and she’ll definitely mention her big or little.