‘Tis the season for rekindling old flames that died for a reason, starting new holiday romances at the office Christmas party, and running into your exes at your favorite hometown bar, where, at one point, everyone knew your name. It’s cold and a boyfriend has way more benefits than an electric blanket: dinners, cuddling, someone to hang out with when you’re bored and it’s too cold to go out. But those benefits come with emotions, and no one hates dealing with that sort of BS more than the baby Grinch.
1. When your boyfriend texts someone at dinner.
Who the fuck are you texting?
2. When a random likes his picture on Instagram.
Who the fuck is she?
3. At brunch.
He thinks I’m crazy for triple texting him at 3 a.m.? Oh, I’ll show him crazy…
4. When he texts and asks you to give back his favorite pullover.
I don’t know what happened to it. Oh wait, I fucking torched it, like you fucking torched my heart.
5. When gauging your relationship status after two and a half months of hooking up.
Are you hooking up with anyone else? It’s fine, just tell me. Really, it’s fine.
6. Sending him a late-night text from bed after a glass of wine and an Ambien.
I miss us. Come overrrr.
7. Facebook creeping his new girlfriend for two hours.
Whatever, I’m totally hotter than she is. Right? RIGHT?
8. When you haven’t heard from him in four months and he texts you out of nowhere.
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
9. When you have your friend text one of his friends because you are so cool and casual and you don’t even care if you even see him or not. Whatever.
You mean I spent two hours getting ready and he and his fucking friends aren’t even going to meet up?
10. When you’re certain all hope is lost.
I’m going to die alone.
Much love, baby Grinch. Much love..
Nice Move730
Respond
Mel and Eva
Eva and Mel are 20-something women living in NYC - they once sought Fall Boyfriends on Craigslist, they remain single. Their interests include drinking, texting, brunching, and world politics. The duo write and perform comedy together online and IRL.
@evamcenrue
@melowens 
