The most basic of the planners, this girl probably picked one up after realizing that everyone else had it. Sure, she wrote down her communications/hospitalities/public relations classes in the little boxes, but honesty? The odds of her actually attending those are pretty slim. Her planner is filled with stickers of tropical drinks, “date night” scribbled on multiple days each week, and color coded sorority events. When she’s not busy getting drunk off of vodka tonics at ladies night, she can be found curing her hangover at Starbucks and calling her planner her “bible.”
EC is, dare I say, the step above Lilly that all girls eventually take. Maybe it’s senior year, and she’s balancing her life of getting freshmen-year drunk, going to an internship, and hooking up with the guy who will never commit. Maybe it’s postgrad and she’s trying to organize her life of having a shitty minimum wage job, making people think that her life is cool on Instagram, and finally getting her own Netflix account. Whatever it is, this bitch wants to be taken seriously. But you know, “still able to get wine drunk on a Wednesday,” seriously. And despite her $8 coffee drink and $60 planner, she’ll tell everyone and their therapists that she has a $10 discount code. And no, we don’t want it.
If you’re using Kate Spade, you probably wanted an EC, but can’t imagine spending close to $70 on a fucking agenda book. You’re all about things that are cute, but you’re not going to waste all of your money on a notebook you’ll write your spin classes and awkward Tinder dates down in. You whip out your planner the second something comes up, only to be reminded that you can’t afford to do, well, anything. Still, when it comes to looking good on a budget, you know what’s up.
If you’re not about those “labels” but you’re still looking for a hefty price tag and metallic pineapples, you probably went the Simplified route. You like being a little different and “edgy” but not enough so that people actually think you’re unique. When it comes to planners, some people call you a snob, and honestly, they’re probably right. Considering the amount of money you spend on customized stickers, washi tape, and pens, your SP has become your love child, and you’re totally cool with that. Since each day has tons of spots to do stuff, you make sure to be super involved. Coffee date? Yes. Yogalates? Sure. Time to make people who don’t fully utilize their planners feel bad? You can squeeze that in. If it’s in your planner, it’s happening. And if it’s happening, it’s in your planner. Organization is the name of your game, and you, my OCD friend, are the winner. Price: $58
Alright Plum ladies, let’s get something straight. You didn’t actually want a Plum Paper planner. Sure, you’ll act like it’s totally cute, but it’s just like wearing wedges when everyone else is wearing heels. It’s cute, but you know. Not cute enough. If you’re being honest with us, and with yourself, you actually wanted an EC, but you’re too broke to afford it (even with the $10 discount code). Still, you use the hell out of your planner, writing in your part time job and internship shifts in the daily spaces. It’s annoying that someone as smart as you has to use something as ugly as a Plum, but hey. At least you know how to save money and spend wisely. It can only get better from here.
The May Book is for girls who literally don’t want or need a planner. They felt the need to buy one because it’s the new “thing” but their idea of organization is throwing clean clothes on the side of the bed they don’t sleep on. Sure, it’s completely customizable, and yes it’s simple, but that doesn’t make using it any easier. It’s so small, and the blocks for the days are basically non-existent, so you go weeks without writing in it. Once you remember that you have it, you put a few pathetic “work” notes in for the next week. Whatever, it was so cheap you don’t even care that you use it for a coaster more than you open it.
When the Day Designer came out at Target, you most likely cried a few happy, I-need-to-have-it-now tears. While picking up statement necklaces and maxi dresses, you noticed the large Blue Sky display, and all but ran to grab your gold, striped piece of heaven. You immediately filled the pages with your schedule of Pinterest-inspired workouts, Starbs dates, and more after-work trips to Target. No, it’s not the name brand like Lilly, but you swear it’s better. No matter who says otherwise, you know the truth: “If it comes from Target, you need to have it.”
I’m going to be honest, I don’t know anyone who needs a passion planner. Sure, if you have a million extracurricular activities, volunteer at multiple charities, double major in something smart, and you have five boyfriends, then okay. Still, that doesn’t stop you from not only buying one, and swearing by it, but filling each and every hour with an activity. Stalking my exes from noon to one. Eating pizza from one to two. Hating myself from two to three. Watching “Gossip Girl” over again from three until forever. It’s not that you want the strictness of the PP. It’s that you need it. Planning isn’t a chore for you. It’s not a habit or a lifestyle. Planning is your passion, and you make that passion your bitch.
Ugh. When people ask how you plan your day, if you say anything along the lines of “on my phone” or “using Google” you need to just give up. Now. Chances are you also think that Taylor Swift is great and blue eyeshadow is still relevant. You own a cat shirt, but not ironically and you might have a pair of Crocs in the back of your closet. For all intents and purposes, you’re an embarrassment. But the joke’s on us because chances are you’ll be making more money by the time you’re thirty than we will our whole lives. Well played, nerd. Well played.
Five Star? More like Zero Star. You, and anyone else who has this planner are a disgrace. Sure, it only costs $10, but at what emotional cost? No foil covers? No adorable stripes? No famous patterns that are just begging to be covered by a monogram? You may call this a planner but the rest of us are calling it, and you, a nightmare. No. You and your sad excuse for a planner can’t sit with us. Ever.
9.99 Your dignity..
Ed. note: Amazon Prime is free for six months for all students with a .edu email address. Free two-day shipping, access to Prime Video, Prime Music, and more. Click here to sign up for your free trial.