1. An Outfit With Straps
Sure, strapless mishaps can get you a few free drinks, but have one nip slip around a female bartender and suddenly your drunk ass is out the door in the rain. Jealous bitch.
2. Life-Proof Eyeliner
I’m talking about the expensive 24-hour smudge and drunken mistakes proof stuff. You’re going to still be drunk when you wake up tomorrow morning, and there’s no way in hell you’re going to do your makeup that early. You won’t regret shelling out the extra $10 when you show up to your 8 a.m. philanthropy event in last night’s makeup and still look good enough that people almost believe you really did stay in.
3. An Impressive Karaoke Song
If there’s karaoke tonight, you’ll be drunk enough to think you can sing. Memorize one or two classics so you don’t look like a total wreck. Bonus points if you can do the rap verse. Practice during those drunken nights in with the little.
4. A Go-To Drink
Asking the bartender for a “ummm…um…vodka cran? Or what do you recommend? Surprise me!” is just sad. You’re a hot mess, meaning you should be a veteran at this by now. Have something ready to go that doesn’t make you sound like you’re underage and shouldn’t be there.
5. A Way To Check-In With Friends
Emma will spend her night on the dance floor, Victoria will spend her night bumming drinks off of guys, Lauren will be off in a corner with her guy of the week, and God only knows where Melissa goes off to all the time. We all spend nights out a little differently, but I’m a firm believer in having a way to check in. Whether it’s by text (risky, since Lauren’s phone isn’t charged), or meeting at a specific time, make sure you’re all safe and in one piece periodically.
6. Knowledge of Surrounding Area
Because you need that 3 a.m. McDick’s nowwwwwwwww. There’s no time for getting lost.
7. Hand Sanitizer
To use after you pee behind the bush on your walk to McDonald’s. Once there you’ll be too focussed on your McNuggets to remember to wash your hands. Salmonella combined with the inevitable hangover is not what you want in the morning.
8. Pledges’ Phone Numbers
For transportation purposes (you now realize it’s too cold to walk). You should probably memorize at least one of them too — chances are you dropped your phone by the bush you were peeing behind six blocks ago.
9. Extra House And Car Keys
Everyone has a spare key to their house hidden somewhere in case they get locked out. No one tells you that if you lose your main house key, you likely lost your car key too. They probably got lost while you were stumbling around looking for your phone.
10. Mini Mouthwash
You don’t know where you’ll end up tonight, but it likely won’t be your own bed. Shove a small bottle in your purse so you don’t get standards called on you for showing up to the aforementioned philanthropy event smelling like booze again. Not bringing a purse? In a pinch, steal and gargle some of your boyfriend/booty call/pretend boyfriend/hookup’s toothpaste before you sneak out.
11. Hair Ties
Your hair looks like shit. You need to pull the messy bun look today.
You and your dignity can thank me later..
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