I’m a bitch, and it’s the best. I’m the one all my friends go to for advice because they know I don’t sugarcoat anything. I don’t bother trying to be polite when the really drunk guy at the bar won’t stop grabbing my ass—I tell him off. I get my way much more often than nice girls because I actually say what I want. And it’s awesome. But not just for me. There are also a ton of perks to being the person a bitch dates. It might sound a little weird, but dating a bitch is one of the best things anyone can do. You should feel lucky to be bossed around by someone like us. Not convinced? Keep reading. You’re about to be. Here are a few of the best reasons why dating a bitch is one of the best ideas you’ll ever have.

1. She’s not shy in bed. Or about, well, anything.
   There’s the “nice” girl your mom approves of, who is afraid of your dick, and then there’s the bitchy one, who pulls you in for a quickie in the bathroom at a party. Your choice.
2. She’s loyal AF.
   This is not a girl who thinks everyone is her best friend. She’s not a golden retriever. She doesn’t give her loyalty easily, but once she decides you’re worthy, she’ll do anything for you. Except anal. Maybe.
3. She doesn’t fish for compliments.
   Not that she doesn’t enjoy being complimented, but she’s not coming to you and asking if her ass looks big in those jeans. If it does, she works it, and you’re stupid not to like it.
4. She’s honest about her opinion.
   No more trying to get her to tell you where she really wants to go for dinner. She’s straight up about what she wants, but if she loves you, she’ll try and tone it down so it doesn’t hurt your feelings too much when she calls you out on your “Star Trek” boxers.
5. She‘s never boring.
   Chances are, this girl is chock full of opinions, and she’s also confident enough to step outside her comfort zone and try new things. She’s the one who will skinny dip with you on a date, not the one who won’t go near the water in her heels.
6. She calls you out on your bullshit.
   No passive-aggressive sulking from her. She’ll call you out when you’re being an ass, and you’ll know she’s right.
7. She doesn’t get mad when you’re honest with her.
   She can dish it out, but she can also take it. Just try not to be outright mean with the criticism. She might be a bitch, but she can still cry if you do something awful, like finally tell her how much you hate those neon-pink fuzzy socks she always wears to bed. Girls’ feet get cold. So sue us.
8. She’s not afraid to fight with you.
   Every couple fights and the best fights are the ones that end in hot makeup sex. The bitchy girl knows how to scream at you until she’s fed up, and when you’re done, no one does angry sex better than she does. Trust.
9. She doesn’t pretend to be someone she’s not.
   She is herself, all the time. She can’t turn down her personality, so don’t ask. She doesn’t have a fake smile or a fake laugh, or a fake O-face, for the record. If you’re not hitting it right, she’ll make sure you know.
10. She can take a joke.
    She’ll probably laugh harder than you do. She’s not easily offended by your bullshit. Not a bad quality in a girlfriend.
11. No one will treat you better than she does.
    That’s a guarantee. Once you’ve been with her, everyone else seems ordinary. 

If all this evidence didn’t convince you, then you couldn’t handle dating a bitch anyway. She’s probably too good for you. And you can bet that she knows it..

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Shannon Layne

My favorite things are tiaras, compliments, and free drinks, which are becoming harder to come by the more I tend to show up at the bar in sweat pants. The proudest moment of my life so far has been landing an actual, paying job that allows me to Facebook stalk people for a living. I tweet about my mom way too often, who is constantly trying to remind me that I'm not nearly as cool as I think I am. Please send me funny stories to read at work here: shannon.laynee@yahoo.com

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