“Can I have a skinny vanilla latte, no foam, extra hot, make it a double, pumpkin spice latte, with a side of basic?” Before you make your next daily trip to Starbucks, I would advise you to educate yourself first before you make yourself look even more basic than you already are. Coming from a current Starbucks employee here are some simple tips and tricks to ordering your next drink.

1. If you walk in and say you need a your coffee for the day and end up ordering a venti vanilla bean Frappuccino, then please turn around and walk out. A vanilla bean does not come with any sort of coffee in it whatsoever. Also unless you are under the age of 16, don’t ever order a vanilla bean.
2. If you are ordering any type of hot latte and make it a venti, because you want more caffeine, no. All you are doing is paying more for extra syrup not more coffee.
3. A caramel macchiato does not come with caramel syrup just caramel drizzle. It’s a big difference.
4. The only difference between a double chocolate chip and a java chip Frappuccino is that java chip has frap roast.
5. Needing a lot of espresso shots but on a budget? Order an Americano, iced or hot, with room for cream. It’s stronger than a latte so it doesn’t taste the best, but you get more shots for a cheaper price.
6. A venti iced latte comes with three shots instead of the two shots that are in a hot Venti latte. Iced and hot lattes are basically the same price. This could save a life someday.
7. If you are a daily Starbucks customer and haven’t signed up your gift card to become a rewards member, then what exactly are you doing with your life? Signing up is literally the easiest thing to do and you get free drinks and discounts. What more could a basic white girl want balling on a college budget other than discounts and free drinks from Starbucks.
8. To make every employee happy, DO NOT come in and order 10 Frappuccino’s that are all different. They will remember you and hate you forever. Also don’t every call a Frappuccino a Frappe. We are Starbucks, not McDonald’s.
9. If you have never tried a caramel macchiato with soymilk, go right now and order one, it will change your life. Or go order a white mocha with caramel in it, also a game changer.
10. If you are trying to get a drink with fewer calories, do not get a white mocha and ask them to make it a skinny. The white mocha syrup is loaded with calories even if you get skim milk. Get a brewed coffee or an Americano, both fewer than 20 calories even if you order a venti.
11. If you remember nothing else from this reading, remember this. When ordering a drink always start with telling them if it’s hot iced, then with the size. Don’t go in telling them everything else about the drink and then the size because chances are you will just have to repeat yourself anyway.

I hope the next time you order a drink from Starbucks you know what you are ordering and how to do it and don’t sound like a complete idiot. If you are going to be basic might as well do it well..

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