Big news, people: Kim Kardashian has a giant tuchus. As you’re all well aware by now, she posted a picture of it, all greased up, to her Instagram account Tuesday night, and it is the biggest (no pun intended) thing in the news today. Literally, a person’s butt is the most important thing happening in this country right now. In the most Kardashian-West move of all time, she used the hashtag #BreakTheInternet to accompany the photo of her rear, as if a singular photo could actually tear down the thing that pretty much keeps society running. Or, maybe it could. We’re not that bright.

Many people mused that if she wanted to break the internet, she should have sat on it. (Idiots, you can’t sit on the internet.) Others judged the socialite turned reality TV star for putting her bum on display because she’s a mother. Kim, herself, joked about the ridiculousness of it all.

Oh, Kimmy. Having a giant booty is not a talent. It might be a blessing–or it might be silicone–but it’s certainly not a talent. Regardless, to Kim’s dismay, the internet was working just fine this morning. And thankfully, it brought us all these wonderful things.

1. These doughnuts.

2. This potato.

3. This romantic photo of Kim and Kanye.

4. This centaur.

5. This candy.

6. This unique bike rack.

7. This incredible reimagination of Homer Simpson.

8. These really creepy hot dog buns.

9. This perfect replica.

10. This really weird face swap that leaves me speechless.

11. This waterslide.

12. And this insanely bitchy, beautifully passive aggressive post by Chelsea Handler.

Nice Move414

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]

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