Sometimes the dating pool in college feels more like a shallow, stagnant puddle. At this phase in life, there are few men who can be considered “boyfriend material,” and even fewer who are worth the sacrifices that come with being in a college relationship (read: not being able to go face-down, ass-up on a random’s crotch region anytime “A$$” plays). It’s a given that when you find someone worth dating and eventually end it in favor of that A$$ guy, he will probably be snapped up by someone in the waiting school of piranha-like women faster than you can say “I’m over it.” You expect him to move on — nay, you want him to move on — after months of pining for you, of course. It won’t come as a surprise when a new lady appears in his profile picture. You’ll toss her the obligatory social media stalk, you’ll notify your big, who will assure you that you’re prettier even though you didn’t ask, and you’ll pride yourself on “not comparing yourself to other people.”
But what if there’s more to the situation than that? What if the new woman in his life is (gasp!) a sister? On one hand, you don’t have claim over him anymore, but on the other, it’s shady as fuck to date a friend’s ex-boyfriend. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule. Only under the following terms is it acceptable to date a sister’s ex:
- Dinosaurs are once again roaming the earth and they are the only two human beings left on the planet.
- He knocked her up, because karma kind of has your back on this one.
- She appeased you with an offering of wine and cheese and read aloud a monologue requesting your blessing on their togetherness.
- She just straight-up talked to you about it first.
- He just straight-up talked to you about it first.
- You’ve all graduated.
- You’ve moved to a totally different town and will never have to bump into them in your favorite bar, thus tarnishing its glory forever.
- It’s been so long since the two of you dated that you can no longer conjure up a mental image of his penis.
- You’ve never actually spoken to the sister in question before.
- She recently suffered some sort of accident or tragedy and has lost all memory of you and him, so you’ll allow her to feel like something is working out for her.
- You and he dated for less than a semester.
- The Rapture happened and Jesus was like, “Nah, Imma leave these two down here,” and you were whisked off to heaven on a Pegasus.
If none of these scenarios apply to the specific situation you’ve found yourself in, then you have been granted full rights to tell anyone who asks you that yes, it is, in fact, really weird for you, that he is just doing it to get your attention, and that you feel bad for her because “he’s not that good in bed and his mother is a beast.”.