13 Possible Reasons This Guy Keeps Getting Bit In The Penis By A Venomous Spider

guy holding a sign that says "problem" over his penis

I’m a firm believer in karma. What goes around comes around. And I believe if you get bit on the penis by a venomous redback spider TWICE, there’s a reason the universe is doing this to you. The man’s name is Jordan. He’s a 21-year-old Australian guy and he’s been bit by the same spider, in the same physical location, twice in just under six months.

So you have to wonder, how does this happen to someone twice? In the same exact location? I’ve come up with a list of possibilities as to why the universe keeps biting Jordan in the ass. Or the penis.

  1. He’s using porta potties way too regularly.
  2. No, he’s SHITTING in porta potties way too regularly.
  3. He doesn’t pay for the first date.
  4. At one point in his life, he cheated on someone.
  5. Or he’s a certified cheater boy.
  6. He likes Nickelback.
  7. The universe is actually rewarding him through swelling, making his wiener even bigger.
  8. He pronounces “mature” like “ma-toor.”
  9. He doesn’t go down on girls.
  10. He doesn’t change lanes when someone is trying to merge.
  11. He chews with his mouth open.
  12. He self-identifies as an “ass guy” or a “boob guy.”
  13. He doesn’t use his penis enough.

Again, these are all just possibilities. I’m sure Jordan is a really great guy. But I can bet he’s going to wait until he gets home to go number two from here on out.

[via Elite Daily]

Image via Shutterstock

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