There are few movies I identify with more than Confessions of a Shopaholic. Rebecca Bloomwood’s love of all things fashion (especially expensive fashion on sale) speaks to me on a spiritual level. The way she rationalizes each insane purchase in ways so crazy that they actually make sense, is literally me. And it’s probably a lot of you, too.
I’ve been open about my current shoe addiction, but in reality, it’s so much more than that. When I see a sale, my heart skips a beat. I get this high that’s so much better than any of the drugs I’ve taken or any of the orgasms I’ve had. All I think about is how I can tenuously justify these extravagant purchases, especially considering I’m a semi-broke college student who still doesn’t have a full-time postgrad job. These reasonings are flimsy at best, but I call bullshit on anyone who says they’ve never used one of these to validate something completely frivolous.
- This is a classic piece that will never go out of style. If I don’t buy it now, I’ll just end up buying it later on in the future.
- This new wallet is sophisticated and mature, like the life I want to lead postgrad. I can’t enter the adult world with a child’s wallet unless I want to continue to be a child.
- These shoes are $40, so if I wear them every day for 40 days, I only actually spent a dollar a day.
- Appearance is the first thing everyone sees, so how can I expect to find love if I don’t have a gorgeous pair of statement shoes?
- This shirt is 50% off so if I buy the on sale shirt and this necklace, it’s still less than the original price of the shirt. I’m basically stealing the necklace.
- I get free shipping on anything over $100 so even though the shirt is only $40, it’s a waste to pay the $6 shipping and handling fee when I could get it for free by purchasing a new formal dress.
- Drunk actions are sober thoughts so drunkenly ordering yet another tote is my subconscious’s way of telling me I needed a new carry-all bag.
- The shoes are buy three, get 30% off so if I buy one expensive pair of shoes and 2 inexpensive pairs, I get three pairs for roughly the same price as the expensive pair. Essentially, I’m getting two pairs of shoes for free.
- Everyone always says quality over quantity, so it only makes sense to buy real pearl earrings as opposed to knock-offs from Forever 21. The cheap ones won’t last more than a season so I’ll just have to continue to re-buy them when I could just invest now and be set for life.
- I’ve only skipped one class in the last two weeks. I deserve a new watch.
- The event I’m going to is going to be highly photographed so I can’t show up in something I’ve already been pictured in. Plus, the more I like my outfit, the more I’ll like the pictures and want to display them, which helps to keep the memory alive.
- Buying a banging interview outfit is an investment in my professional future.
- Diamonds never go out of style. Enough said.
- A Birkin will only ever increase in value. It’s economically proven.
Don’t judge — shopaholics need to stick together. And more importantly, we need to let each other know about any good, upcoming sales..
Nice Move258
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ChampagneShowers
Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at: champagne_showers@outlook.com
@ChampShowersTSM
