15 Reasons Diet Coke Is Better Than Your Boyfriend

Diet Coke Is Better Than Your Boyfriend

With SB13, the official single girls’ holiday, coming to a close, formal and wedding season are getting closer every day. It can be tempting to wish you had a slave serious boyfriend to force to come invite to all of these events, but before you get too attached to the idea of tying yourself down forever, remember that while boyfriends come and go, there’s something better that will always be there: Diet Coke.

1. Diet Coke will never make you fat, unlike your Valentine’s Day chocolate.

2. It will never ask you to make it a sandwich.

3. Its sweat never smells like dirty socks.

4. You can dress it up however you want and it never complains.

5. It’s always as bubbly as you are and will never make fun of you for it.

6. It never plays Call of Duty. Ever.

7. When Diet Coke keeps you up all night, you don’t have to give it a blow job.

8. Even though you constantly need it by your side, Diet Coke never accuses you of being “needy” or “clingy.”

9. Run-ins with the relatives mean you accidentally picked up a Vanilla Coke, so they only last about 15 seconds.

10. It doesn’t have a favorite sports team, so you can finally cheer for the team with the cutest color combo.

11. The only time you’ll be pressured to “go in the back door” is if you’re carrying a 24-pack in from the grocery store.

12. It’s great to do mixers with.

13. Diet Coke never thinks you’re done with it after 3 minutes and 34 seconds. It’ll stick with you until your needs are satisfied.

14. You don’t have to tell it twice that something silver and shiny belongs on your left hand.

15. It already knows that if it wants you to swallow, it shouldn’t say a word.


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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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