15 Things That Annoy Bartenders According To Bartenders


It’s safe to say I have a lot of pet peeves. I hate when girls post two Instagram pictures in one day, it annoys the shit out of me when fraternities only have beer at the party and just like forget to make punch, and don’t even get me started about subtweets- please just @ the person so we can all be in the loop about the drama! Anyway, as of recently it has come to my attention that basic entitled sorority girls such as myself aren’t the only ones who have a laundry list of pet peeves. When asked the question “What is the most annoying thing people do in bars?” bartenders responded with a bible long list of grievances so here’s the shortened version.

  1. “When we are slammed and someone asks for a mojito or old-fashioned that requires muddling fruit and mint or whatever for what feels like forever.”
  2. “When bitches ask ‘can you make this cute pink drink I had at a different bar last week’ and they don’t remember what it’s called or even remotely what’s in it then the chick stumbles around for five minutes trying to remember what the drink is called meanwhile there’s a line of annoyed people behind her that just want a fucking beer.”
  3. “When dumb ass degenerate chicks play kickball with the toilet paper in the bathroom. I don’t know what the hell y’all do in there but why the fuck is the toilet paper draped over the stall like the kind of shitty TP job me and my friend would do to the chick we hated in 5th grade?”
  4. “When people try to order drinks after 2 AM. Like excuse me ma’am but it’s a law and although I would make a great stripper cop, I really don’t feel like going to jail tonight.”
  5. “When people snap in your face or give me the ‘hellllooooooooo’ with the nice long sarcastic undertone. Yes I can see you. Yes I am busy. And yes I will now be ignoring you even further.”
  6. “When people wanna sit at the bar and have a long conversation with me when there are other customers waiting. Like even if I wasn’t busy number one, you’re ugly and numero two, I can’t even hear what you’re saying because I have Flo Rida blasting out of the speakers in my fucking ear.”
  7. “When drunk girls accuse you of ‘having their card’ when they are holding it in their hand. Like bitch why are you asking me for a drink when you really should be asking for a pair of fucking glasses and at least twenty IQ points.”
  8. “When it’s busy as fuck and people raise their hand to order a drink. Like, excuse me, sweetheart but this isn’t a classroom so put your damn hand down.”
  9. “When it’s a busy night and people go out of their way to get your attention and then have no idea what they even want to drink. Then I have to awkwardly stand there while a million other people are screaming their drinks out at me. Know what you want when you order.”
  10. “When people ask for things extra strong like they are the one exception to fucking life.”
  11. “When there is that one person who sits by themselves at the bar and tries to backseat bartend the entire time and give their opinion on how to make common drinks. No, I don’t need to put vodka in this mojito so shut the fuck up.”
  12. “When people break glass either being drunk and careless or just because. One time this chick took a shot and chucked the glass at the floor literally for no reason. Those kind of people belong in hell. Or in a country run by Hillary Clinton. Just Saying.”
  13. “When people ask for free drinks. If we aren’t hooking up, don’t even ask.”
  14. “When people wave their money around to try to order or pay out. Yes, I know that’s your daddy’s Platinum card but I also know you’re like 19, using a fake ID, and not going to tip me.”
  15. “WHEN PEOPLE DON’T TIP” x890473257239

Some people might read this and think the moral is to be nice to the bartenders. Although that’s a good suggestion for your conscience, the moral of the story is to make sure you’re hooking up with a bartender and then all of these become irrelevant.

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My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. xo

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