As my drunken nights out and hungover mornings dwindle the closer I get to graduation, I’ve come to realize that there are just somethings you shouldn’t be doing when you’re a senior. There are acts which are socially unacceptable now that you’re about to be an actual adult. Sad as it is, you’re not the doe-eyed, alcohol-consuming machine you once were. Your body and your morals just can’t keep up but that’s okay. It may be for the best. Here are just a few things you should stop doing by the time you’re a second semester senior.
1. Dancing on Tables
Gone are the days that other people accept your love of elevated surfaces and dance moves. It’s funny and carefree when you do it as a sophomore. As a senior, people are scared you’ll fall off and break your ass. Plus, you have an impending work reputation on the line. You can’t risk someone taking a picture and posting it to Facebook, only to have potential employers see you in all your sequin glory.
2. Buying Cheap Alcohol
You know better. That fact that this even crosses your mind should make you ashamed of yourself. Yes, eight dollar whiskey sounds great on your wallet but it’s going to wreak havoc on your body. You had three years to binge on bottom shelf booze. It’s time you start treating yourself right and get the good stuff.
3. Getting Blackout Drunk
See numero dos. If you buy cheap alcohol and drink the entire bottle, you’re going to black out. It’s just a fact and not a very nice one. The idea of getting blackout drunk seems like a good idea at first but you’re a seasoned pro, so you should know the consequences you’ll face in the days to come after just aren’t worth it. You want to make sure you have as many memories as possible as well and you can’t do that if you forget everything that happened after 10pm.
4. Going Out Every Night
Now this one is debatable. There’s really no other time in your life where it’s okay to go out during the week and get trashed, so it’s okay to want to do this every so often. What you don’t want to do is go out every night of the week. In the real world you’ll have to go to work the next morning. It’s not like your 11am English class that you can blow off because you’re too hungover to lift your head from your pillow.
5. Drunk Eating
I know that Taco Bell sounds amazing after a night at the bar but I promise you it’s a bad idea. You thought the freshman fifteen was bad? Try keeping off all the drunchies weight your aging body refuses to let go of.
6. Not Going to the Gym
You may have been able to get away with this for a few years but your metabolism isn’t what it used to be. Schedule in time to go to the gym and then make more time. There are lost pounds to make up for and those weights aren’t going to lift themselves. Look on the bright side though. The gym is where all of the (usually) hot guys congregate, so at least you’ll have something nice to look out while you sweat out years of procrastination.
7. Shorthand Texting/Messaging
You’re not going to be able to e-mail your boss the night before with “Won’t b in 2morrow. Sick w/the flu. C u on thurs.” Not that I know firsthand, but I’m pretty sure that will get you fired. You also want to be conscious of this when talking to a guy. Now that you’re older and looking for a ring long-term relationship, you want to put your best foot forward. You don’t want the guy thinking you’re unable to form a proper sentence. Messaging back as quickly as possible with a message he’ll have trouble deciphering isn’t going to win you any points.
8. Avoiding the Library
This is another place you actually want to be. This environment will help you get used to a work environment. And did I mention the intelligent boys who do their work there? Business majors, ladies. That’s all I’m saying.
9. Missing Your Classes
Let’s face it, being the smart senior you are, you didn’t schedule any of your classes before noon and they’re all a piece of cake. There’s really no reason to blow them off. Going is an easy way to keep up your GPA and it will get you in the habit of going to mandatory events every day, like work.
10. Hooking Up With Freshmen
Just don’t. I know they’re all cute and innocent and willing to do almost anything you ask, but don’t. At this point you’re just teasing them and their poor little hearts won’t be able to handle it when you up and leave them for someone with a car and his own apartment. Anyway, you want someone who’s going to challenge you. Being the teacher is only fun for so long.
11. Walks of Shame
At this point in your college career, you should be a master at knowing how to get around this. Either you have a friend who will pick you up in the morning with her tinted window car or you’ve learned to shack up at your place, thus making him take the walk.
12. One-Night Stands
This is another one that is debatable and heavily depends on where you want to see yourself relationship wise in the next few years. If you don’t see yourself settling down anytime soon, then I say keep on keepin’ on. You’ll be going on lots of dates once you get out of college and what better way to end the night than messing up the bedsheets. If, though, you plan on landing yourself a ring anytime soon, you might want to keep the randos to minimum.
13. Avoiding Your Advisor
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been avoiding this person like the plague for the past three years. They always have something judgmental to say and it’s a waste of fifteen minutes when they actually do find the time to meet with you. Only now you’re leaving the nest and it’s a scary world out there. Your advisor probably has some pretty good connections and you’re going to want their recommendations. Essentially, you’re pimping out your advisor for jobs. Don’t feel bad. It’s what they’re there for. Just remember to be nice to them.
14. Avoiding Sorority Events
It might be a relief knowing you’re not required to go to anything if you don’t want to, but the reality is, these are the last times you’ll be able to participate in sorority events. Sure, there will be alumni picnics and homecoming weekend where you can come back and enjoy shots with your sisters but that’s about all you’ll get. There will be no more rituals, no more Saturday morning brunch before philanthropy events, no more movie nights with everyone crammed into someone’s tiny apartment. You might have joined for the parties or because it would look good on your résumé, but you stayed for the girls. You are going to miss them, so spend as much time with them as you can. This is the time when you can give back to the sorority what it gave to you.
15. Stop Wishing, Just Do It
You’ve probably passed up some chances along the way. You told yourself no, or convinced yourself it wasn’t for you. Stop underestimating yourself and go for it. No one is going to hold your hand in the real world. You’re going to have to make things happen for yourself. So start practicing and make things happen for the last few months. This is your chance to take control of your life and start shaping the person you want to be after college. At the risk of sounding cliché or corny, take that leap. You know you want to..
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WineFirst_AskLater
WineFirst likes her wine white, chilled, and alone, although she's been known to share on rare occasions. In an attempt to not grow up, she procrastinates all things adult, such as not paying off her credit card bill and watching re-runs of Sex and the City. If you have any funny stories or new leads (or videos of kids falling down) e-mail her at: winefirst.asklater@gmail.com
@meg_lee_eliza
@meg_lee_eliza
