16 Reasons Teresa Giudice Is Going To Handle Prison Like A Boss

Teresa Giudice

Unless you live under a rock, you have definitely heard that Teresa and Joe Giudice were convicted for several counts of loan and bankruptcy fraud. Not only has this story taken the internet by storm, but I’ve also heard people talk about it with so much emotion you’d think it was their best friend’s family getting sent to jail. I’m not going to lie–I’ve been in emotional strife these past few days, and I’ve been doing a lot of crying on the inside for the Giudice family.

The reality stars from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” sat down with Andy Cohen for a “Watch What Happens Live” special about each of their sentences the day after their final court hearing. The first part aired Monday night and the second part will air on Thursday. Only Bravo’s queen bee, Andy Cohen, could get Teresa to break her silence less than 24 hours after finding out she was going to jail for a longer amount of time than Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Lil Wayne, and Martha Stewart combined. In case you missed the special, here’s everything you need to know.

When Teresa found out their sentences–15 months for her and 41 months for Joe–she said, “I was shaking,” and “at one point, I couldn’t even move my fingers. They were stuck. I couldn’t open my hands.” Joe added, “it was devastating,” and that he felt as if he had been hit in the back of the neck with a bat. However, their sentences are staggered so there will always be someone to take care of their four daughters. Andy asked Teresa if she was in denial, and she said, “I need to read things before I sign them.” Also, Teresa said she didn’t understand the part about going to jail when she took the plea deal.

Andy asked why they committed fraud and alluded that the reason was “wanting to get more money.” He backed up his accusation by bringing up what Teresa had said previously about never wanting to live in a “used house.” Teresa responded with a lot of backpedaling, as she always does. She regretted what she had said in the past. Andy also brought up the negative reaction from fans when she was seen carrying a $3,000 purse while looking at smaller homes in a “RHONJ” episode. Teresa made it clear she doesn’t pay retail. Joe tried to reiterate how economical they are now and asked Andy how much he thought the suit he was wearing cost. When Andy said “$600,” Joe shook his head, in what looked like disgust, and just uttered, “You’re wrong.”

The most awkward part of the whole episode was when Teresa was talking about how Gia, their oldest daughter, got the news and told Joe that the school guidance counselor called her and said “they are going to take her out of gym class once a week and just talk to her.” Teresa also spilled pretty much everything Gia had told the guidance counselor in (what I’m assuming was) confidence. When Andy asked Joe what it was going to be like when he was home alone with the girls, he said, “It’s going to be a lot of work. I’m going to be a housewife.” I wouldn’t be surprised if Bravo tried to capitalize on this and create a “Real House Dad” spinoff. The Giudices didn’t tell their younger girls of the situation at hand, and they also didn’t think they would find out from other kids at school. Andy looked at the two of them like they had eight heads. Can you remember the last time any kid kept his or her mouth shut about what his or her parents were talking about the night before? No, because it’s never happened.

When Andy brought up what a high maintenance, stylish betch Teresa is and what she was going to do without being able to get her hair and makeup done in prison, she casually responded with, “I’ll just slick my hair back and go about my day.” Andy ended the interview by throwing some major shade at Teresa. He asked if she was worried about losing her temper in jail, and when she said no, he reminded her that she shoved him at a “RHONJ” reunion. Teresa made it clear that she’s grown and “no one can push my buttons anymore.” Way to kick a girl when she’s down, Andy.

I could never imagine going to jail. I can’t even put myself in Teresa’s shoes right now. But, I kind of think she is going to handle prison like a boss. Here’s the proof:

  1. Jersey girls are known to be total badasses.
  2. She isn’t afraid of confrontation.
  3. She can stand up for herself. Back off, bitches.
  4. She isn’t afraid to say what everyone is thinking.
  5. She doesn’t let anyone get in her way.
  6. She takes command of every word in the English language.
  7. She respects and takes nicknames seriously.
  8. She’ll tell you when it’s time to stop talking.
  9. She can hide when she’s crying.
  10. She doesn’t let people tell her what to do.
  11. She knows the power of a bitch slap.
  12. She can spot a “prostitution whore” from a mile away.
  13. You won’t see her going around calling people strippers.
  14. Nothing fazes her.
  15. She gives zero fucks.
  16. She isn’t afraid to flip shit.

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Just a smart blonde keeping her standards as high as her red bottomed heels. Go big or go home.

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