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16 Reasons Why Getting Your Nails Done Is The Worst

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I was sitting in the nail salon chair, staring at a small Asian woman covered in acrylic dust. I sensed a slight smell of acetone in the air, and I wondered to myself, “Why the hell do I do this?” Don’t get me wrong, I think a well-manicured hand is a well-manicured psyche, but do I really need to put my tender hands through this torture? Could I try to take on the Laura Ingalls look of a natural nail? Will everyone associate me with the girls who don’t wear makeup and leave the house with dripping wet hair? It’s the stuff of nightmares, but maybe–just maybe–I should start spending my food allowances on, well, actual food. If you don’t feel me, just read this list and you’ll understand why getting your nails done is actually the worst.

  1. You pay roughly $30 to have your nails go through what I assume most experience in hell. Then, you pay another $15 every two weeks just to make sure those precious little babies don’t get too spoiled. (Don’t forget the tip!)
  2. The person doing your nails ALWAYS has awful nails. Like, it’s your profession, and you can’t even clean up the edges and slap on some paint? Yeesh.
  3. You have to hold hands with a complete stranger for at least 30 minutes. I don’t even think I hold my own boyfriend’s hand that long.
  4. They keep applying layers only to continue grinding them down. Ouch.
  5. Cuticles–or what’s left of them. #baiiii
  6. Sometimes you get the bad tech who makes you bleed and then dumps chemicals all over your open wounds just to watch you squirm.
  7. The nail tech is always wearing a surgical mask, but you’re just breathing in acetone and synthetic nail particles like it’s no big deal. I’m sure that’s all kinds of healthy.
  8. There’s always that first smudge you get when you think your nails are finally dry. Ugh.
  9. After spending years of crafting for various occasions, you could probably do a better paint job than some techs–for FREE.
  10. Things you could buy with the $30 acrylic charge: six skinny vanilla lattes at Starbucks, three you-pick-two meals at Panera, or a super cute new phone cover. That’s some serious business, my friends.
  11. Sometimes you mistake the massage room for the bathroom and walk in on a middle-aged male tech napping in the chair. Or was that just me?
  12. When the workers speak to each other in a different language and laugh continuously throughout your visit, they are definitely making fun of you. Seriously, though, what’s so damn funny? If you’ve got something to say, just say it to my face–but in English, please, so I can respond with the proper level of bitchiness.
  13. You might occasionally wonder if this is what working in a sweatshop is like, only our well-manicured hands and feet are the products.
  14. The unnerving desire to excessively tap your nails on every surface will drive everyone around you insane for the next few weeks.
  15. Try typing up that report for your summer class with those puppies. The struggle is real.
  16. Eventually, you’ll decide to get them removed, but they’ll con you into spending twice as much on a mani-pedi just because you can’t leave your nails looking that rough in public.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to premed.donna.tsm@gmail.com.

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