16 Things That Will 100% Happen In The Next “Sex And The City” Movie

This morning, rumors of a third “Sex and the City” movie were sweeping the internet. It all started when Sarah Jessica Parker posted a mysterious picture to Instagram.

Bag? Gag order? This had to be about a third “Sex and the City” movie, right? I mean, it’s not like she has a life outside of being Carrie Bradshaw, right? RIGHT? Eh, wrong. It’s turns out the post was just about her shoe line “SJP Collection” securing a spot at Bloomingdales. Which explains the Bloomingdales bag. And the Bloomingdales store. And not having any “SATC” friends coming out of Bloomingdales with her. Still, that doesn’t mean that all hope is dead. In an interview with Today, Charlotte Kristin Davis sneakily said that she has “no clue what’s happening.” But when asked if she would be a part of it, she responded saying, “of course I would be in it. We all would.”

At first. I let it go. Whatever. It won’t happen. But then, as I was digging through SJP’s Instagram, I saw the picture below.

A photo posted by SJP (@sarahjessicaparker) on

And I just knew. A third one had to happen. Sure, it’s farfetched. Sure, the chances are slim. And sure, most of us would actually sort of hate it if they made another one. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder, what would happen to our favorite characters if they made a third movie appearance?

  1. Brady somehow gets super hot and starts dating Charlotte’s annoying daughter.
  2. And Charlotte becomes a total hover mother-in-law just like Bunny was to her.
  3. Or Charlotte’s annoying daughter just gets written out of the script because everyone hates her.
  4. Samantha moves into a retirement community and PLOT SWIST: Richard lives there too.
  5. Carrie and Big separate because it’s Carrie and Big.
  6. Carrie goes crawling back to Aidan.
  7. Aidan leaves his wife for Carrie.
  8. Carrie leaves Aidan and goes back to Big. Again.
  9. Aidan gets depressed and fat and secures a job doing Walgreen’s voiceovers.
  10. Carrie can’t afford her shopping habit after her divorce, so she starts her own shoe line.
  11. Steve’s bar becomes super popular and he leaves Miranda for literally anyone else.
  12. Carrie gets pregnant at the ripe age of sixty and doesn’t know who the father is.
  13. So she gets another abortion and lies about it because it worked for her once, amiright?
  14. Samantha and Richard get back together, and finally have a threesome.
  16. Miranda stops being the worst character on the show (LOL, JK).

Anytime you want to get started, ladies. We’re all waiting, watching, and wishing you would stop posting teasers on your Instagrams.

[via Today, E!]

Image via Everett Collection /

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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