It happens in every relationship. Maybe you’ve been together for years. Maybe you’re not quite “together” yet. Whatever the situation, you’re ready to spice things up. The only problem? You’re not quite sure how to get the juices flowing and the heart rates racing. Never fear. Whether you want to venture into the world of dirty talk or BDSM, here are a few surefire ways to mix things up in and out of the bedroom.
- Suggest roleplay. Say you’ll be his ex.
Lauren, right? That’s her name, right? The one he keeps calling out in his sleep, RIGHT?! - Or if he doesn’t go for that, suggest he be your ex. The one who was very, very well hung.
Assure him that it’s fine if he doesn’t, uh, measure up. - Say that you’re feeling naked. Ask him to help you with that. Show him your empty ring finger.
Then gently remind him that the best way to get over someone, is to get proposed to by someone else. - Ask him what he wants you to do to him. When he answers, say that you want him to be FBO, but you can’t always get what you want.
Nothing turns a guy on quite like a hot, steamy, throbbing helping of guilt. - Lick your lips and tell him you want to taste his meat. Grab his burger and take multiple bites without asking.
A man likes a woman who takes what she wants, so grab some of his fries too. - Seductively lean in toward his ears. In a sultry whisper, tell him that your yeast infection is clearing up.
Which is perfect, because you totally want to get with him MoniSTAT. - Ask if he’d like to see the type of porn you’re into. Pull up your Pinterest engagement ring page.
10/10 it’ll make him rock hard. - Mid-blow job, lock eyes on him. Just as he’s about to finish, say that you’ve always wanted a summer wedding.
Did it get hot in here, or is it just your seasonal nuptials? - And write your wedding hashtag out on his stomach in whipped cream.
It shows you’re sweet, and you know your shit when it comes to personal branding on social media. Wife qualities fuhshow. - Tell him you’ve been wanting to try buttstuff, and pull out a strap on.
Just trying to return the favor, bb. 😉 - Literally lick him from his head to his toe. Or toe to head. Whatever works better for you.
Guys always say the more spit the better, right? - When your dog is staring at you while you’re getting it on, use your sexiest voice to say, “It’s okay. She likes to watch.”
Bet he didn’t guess he’d have two bitches in bed tonight. - Handcuff him to your bed. Tell him to wait until you come. Leave and go grab some drinks and small plates with your friends. Come back a few hours later, untie him, and tell him he can go now.
What? It’s not your fault it takes you forever. - Rub him down with massage oil and mutter “I’m not looking for anything serious” over and over again.
Lying is the bedroom is totally acceptable. Guys taught us that. - During sex, reach down and gently cup his balls. Say “these feel like my future kids.”
Bonus point if you start naming them. - Text him saying you want to do something bad on the kitchen table when he gets over. When he arrives ask to copy his Econ notes.
He’s in demand of a naughty girl, and you’re the whole supply. - Offer to send him dirty pictures. Snapchat a picture of your bedroom.
It’s not your fault you’re so wild(ly messy) in the bedroom. And the closet. And the bathroom.
You’re welcome..
Image via Shutterstock
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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